A gentle surprise

 

I never gave thought to anything more then idle chatter

I never thought that meeting you with friends did matter

While waiting for my children to be released from school

We talked of politics, laws and things that were cool

 

This had went on for the longest of time

And became a part of my daily pastime

I looked forward to this chatter as for a parent adult talk was rare

And when I walked to the school, my clan was always there

 

Then one day while waiting for my son to come home from his field trip

I realized all too soon I was too early standing in the rain feeling myself like a drip

But then there was you…

You came early too

 

Ah some conversation, what a joy

I don’t have to wait alone in the rain for my boy

I walked over to where you stood

Dodging the droplet’s of rain as much as I could

 

You greeted me with the grandest of smiles

And we stood there in that cold wet moment and talked awhile

Time went by so fast as we talked that day

But then something happened that completely blew me away

 

You asked me out for coffee

Reviews

[Ron]

And Then? Come on finish it!

[kurrupted]

double thumbs up to a lovely piece piece.

[Butterflymom]

Wow, this is a well done and lovely piece.

[Tom Benson]

A very easy on the eye story told here with a happy ending. Tom

[Shelly Araujo]

beautiful description of life's simple, unexpected moments; loved it!

[G. Cedillo]

this is a brilliant moment - small and sincere (because sincerity, like most things, depends on breadth and width and the volume of a moment; sincerity, i think, especially in art, is lost with length... as my review will prove)- and that's all good, good things.

now, the insincere part (if you don't mind me saying) is the attempts you make toward rhyme. I'd suggest moving away from rhyme or any attempt for meter - just write this like prose and then approach it as a poem. the tiny moment of surprise, we get at the end, and all the other little moments of unexpectedness (so subtly tied into all the aspects of motherhood and first raindrop fall) well, these could all be expressed in the quick breath of a haiku.

maybe i'm wrong - but i think it work better that way, maybe,
anyhoot, great read - thanks for sharing.

(( g ]]