"Unclaimed Riches

What cruel words you taunt me with, to hear such sweet praise from your lips.

Unrequited promises lay, of future worth that remain unclaimed.

It is rejection you do speak, when love is a taunt held just out of reach.

A polished jewel, honed and cut.

It sparkles and dazzles and makes you want.

How then do you handle so carelessly,

A precious gem you claim to see, but just like others have left to gather dust.

Reviews

[A.L. Brown]

The words you used, you used well, but nothing really jumped out at me as "Wow, now THAT'S a great word." Overall, it's the kind of words I expect to see from a poem like this. I'd like to see some more unusual words, something that would catch me by surprise or really stand out from the others in a significant way.

One thing that stood out that I really admired was in the first line, where you have the contrast between "cruel words" and "sweet praise" - "cruel" and "sweet", "words" and "praise". Very good (it could be even better if you increased the contrast between "words" and "praise", though). I'd like to see this echoed again later in the poem, though, or similar uses of contrast.

I think where the poem needs the most work is in its structure. Everything is very standard: line, period, line, period. If it was not so clearly composed as a poem, I could easily mistake it for prose poetry. What I want to see is some enjambment, arranging your line breaks in creative ways to create new and interesting concepts within the poem itself. There's a certain meter that people read poems in; you can take advantage of this meter by putting in line breaks other than at the end of sentences. For example:

A precious gem you claim to see, but just like others have left to gather dust.

Can become:

A precious gem
you claim to see, but
just like others
have left
to gather dust.

Read this newly-enjambed version slowly, and notice the effect it gives some of the concepts and images. "Just like others", disconnected from the rest of the line, prompts the reader to imagine lots of "others", not just compare it directly with the subject of the sentence. Similarly, "have left" is given a certain starkness by being left to its loneness, and "to gather dust" is given much more weight by becoming the lone phrase which ends the poem.

[Kent Smotherman]

Wonderful word choices! A very expressive piece, I enjoyed this one. I would like to see it expanded - it just begs to have more to say... :)

[astronaut]

I really like this, and I love the end. Dontcha hate relationships? :P lol. Great job and keep at it.