The dog and the master

There once was a dog

Waiting on orders

Falling on glass

Only to be picked up by the master

The master had a lover

But was still alone

She decided to

Order the dog around

While the dog was happy

As was the master

The masters lover was discontent

With the thought of slavery

She told the master of things

The master acted as if she understood

If the dog slit his own throat

It would be the masters fault

The master took the knife up to her neck

And slit her own throat

Because the world didn't need

A b*****d controlling others

Author's Note

.

Reviews

[SHEEMA HUQ]

How to make extremely violent, intolerance sound and feel socially acceptable in one poem by Seimei! Of course I can read this with a great deal of distance, thank you for sharing ( an of course one is not condoning the behaviours described).

[unsavable_soul]

Nice idea here Seimei,
I have to say while I get the ideas behind the lower portion I too must say that your choice in conveyances leaves the reader slightly askew to obtaining your meaning. Perhaps give a little consideration to a little editing on this one. Usually I say you have little to fix, but this one I think is such a great concept it's worth the effort i think. Pretty dark by the way in my eyes. All this is just an opinion and I hope you can use some of it.
From your friend who's sorry for slacking on their book review duties.
Sincerely
Christopher
90/100

[Rivaxorus]

It was simply a vent, no effort wanted to be made in it.

[unsavable_soul]

Cool beans, Just thought I would give my thoughts. Perhaps you should consider putting that information in the review notes? Hope you're well.
Chris

[Ravyne Hawke]

I have to agree with Astro and Keegan. After the first two and a half stanzas, everything gets very confusing. Is the Master male or female? Who gets their throat slit? the master or lover or dog? Why does the lover think of slavery? who has her enslaved? life, the master? Anyway, just some things to think about. I think with a little more clarification, this one will be great.

[Sami Khalil]

A good one...:)

[KeeD]

I agree with Astro the opening is good and is going in a good direction the rest is a bit to rambled up and confusing.. I get the message you were trying to put out.. just read it back and see if you can work on the delivery. Love your other work though, keep writing.

[Astro]

Angry, seems angry...I liked the opening but in the last two stanza's it becomes a bit confusing. It sounds like the 'Master' is female. That would be fine, except it may be more appropriate to refer to her as Mistress, but, if the 'Master' is not female and they don't slash their own throat, and instead, slash the throat of the 'Lover' then the ending and overall message has a different tone.