Free Agent

Free Agent

 

Those that have are oblivious.

They talk freely of their good times,

shared love (apparent or otherwise)

and taken-for-granted companionship.

I offer only fake smiles,

but inside I’m dying.

Inside,

the loneliness has burrowed deep in my heart.

No one wants to hear any of the sadness.

Often, I walk away,

or continue with the fake smiles.

Free Agent….that’s what I call myself, jokingly.

If I make fun of it out loud,

they won’t notice the pain,

or be uncomfortable with the sadness.

Their world is “perfect”,

after all.

Each.

Time.

I .

Have.

To.

Be reminded….

Free agent…..

To be alone has become a comfort.

To be without,

though,

to know what can be offered and have no receiving vessel…

to be misunderstood or told of some devoid emotion is torture.

No one wants to hear the sadness,

But there are times it needs to be said.

Reviews

[Dave Brown]

I quite like the free agent label
it is sadly humorous
I hope you have moved on because it seems to be something we all go through, that at times seems absolutely helplessly hopeless
I have really enjoyed your work with what I see, as its almost dreamlike presentation.
Much much different than what I do and the contrast is strangely, very refreshing
Beautiful work

[Seriana]

Thank you Dave! Appreciate your comments on this older piece. Yes, moved on of course. I remember being very frustrated then, that speaking of sad things wasn't always (and still isn't always) accepted. Well, life ain't always a bowl of peaches, you know? And sometimes we must get the emotions out no matter how sad or frustrating they are. Thanks again for your review :D

[John Alexander McFadyen]

So many suffer in silence as they feel they are alone when in fact many have learned to wear that mask of the fake smile. You capture the essence of this existence, its brutality and the feeling of bveing cut adrift.

[emmajoy]

How I wish I could beckon your happiness between the cracks of your sad heart, dear you... I've tried but still read the above words we talked about way back and been unable to mention til now. But somehow I see promise in the beautiful way you phrase, the sensitivity behind the tears, the power you use to weave such incredible sentences - albeit it hurting inside out..

One must and has to share sadness as willingly as sharing happiness because, surely, surely, that is also sharing trust in knowing whatever one's flaws or whatever, emotions shared are a compliment from and to people who can understand because they want to. The receiving vessel IS there ELSE the other is a block of stone.. heartless. Beware those with too little heart.. be you, dear gentle heart. Hugs always.

Your words touch.. and deeply but are understood, shared.. endlessly.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really like this...and i like irony between the lines...because those who think they have it perfect are fooling themselves or are in denial...
those who only want to be with others for laughs and good times, are afraid to be with others for the dark times, because they will inevitably see their own within.
I understand being alone, but not lonely.
j.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

When we have a broken heart the rest of the world feels so foreign to us. It is hard to see others happy when we are miserable and wonder how they can go on normal while we are hurting.

Your poetry is always so moving to me. I love reading you.

[An owl on the moon]

Was just listening to Neruda... so much of his voice is in the suffering. How we suffer in loving, and suffer without loving, and suffer in seeking more love, more life. And your soul echoes that place of longing, the place of pain looking out at those in the grand dance of life smiling and laughing, and wanting your smile to be genuine, your laugh not to be a mockery of the sound of joy. No one wants to hear the sadness, but there are those who will listen with you anyways... those who know the sadness is a winter that will be swallowed one day by the spring.