I'll Love You Through Clear Waters and Black Skies

Don't laugh, please. First love poem I have EVER written. Well, at least the first one that does not end in death.

The first day I saw you
Was like my best dreams came true!
You were everything I wanted and more!
You mended my heart so sore.
What does everyone else
See in anyone else?
It baffles me
Because you're all I can see.
I was blind and gained sight,
You are my candle at night.
I will not write obscure metaphors and cheap poetry
All just to describe what this does to me.
Bur, I will tell you...
My heart is a ship and you're the crew;
Through the stormy sea,
Through the waters crystal and blue,
I'm giving you total control.
Take heed! This is the most fragile thing you ever stole.

Author's Note

What should be changed for next time I write one (if there is a next time)? More description? Not good at love poetry at all...

Reviews

[Erin Thomas]

I think the hardest thing about love poetry is that it is so difficult to avoid cliche. So much love poetry has been shared through pop culture, and simple sweet poems won't cut it anymore. I think, for the most part, you did a good job at trying to avoid falling into the cliche of the words/phrases we have heard so many times before. It worked better at the end when you had the metaphor of your heart and the ship. This is just my opinion, but the heart is a muscle and it is too overrated to use it as a metaphoric tool. Sorry, I am kind of tearing this apart, but I see a lot of potential! I really like this poem, and I think if you expand your ideas beyond what is regularly thought about love, this can be outstanding. I do not mean to be discouraging. I really enjoyed this piece! Keep writing!!! Good work!!