She was ....

Just a short story

It was a jet black night with bright stars in the sky. Everyone seemed to be happy in the long trip to Lucknow. I and some of my friends which I made there in the train were talking and laughing on the stupid things. I also had an eye on my daughter who was playing and running in the train. Million of times I called her but she didn't listen. After some minutes I looked at her again, when I saw that she was looking at the door. After looking her for seconds, I had a wierd feeling so I called her again. I asked her about the thing she was looking at. Suddenly she pointed towards the door and said "Mamma, isn't the lady in black gown and a bun beautiful?". I looked at the door again but can't see anything. I thought maybe she has gone. I called my daughter and gave her a chocolate. After eating chocolate she was again going for playing when she knocked me and whispered " Mamma look there." A second later our train collided. Many died, few survived. I can see my daughter with tears and blood, Fortunately we both survived. Maybe the lady in black gown and a bun was death! 

Author's Note

Please tell how was it....

Reviews

[Prototato]

You should have entered an extended version of this into my Life & Limb horror contest! Top 3 for SURE

[Shasha]

Oh, thank you very much again! But now I can think that I won something for my writing.

[Prototato]

You'd most certainly be justified in those thoughts.

[Shasha]

Yes, Maybe! :-)

[Prototato]

For sure you would be! ^^

[Sir_Anonymous]

This reminds me of one of those stories my older cousin's use to tell me to scare me when I was younger because I was easy prey at the time... Not one of my fondest memories to be honest but it's still a connection you've managed to make with your story and that's what most writing is for readers finding something that they can relate to or understand without being asked to do so.

[Shasha]

Thank you Sir_Anonymous. I am glad to know that my story can do that work.

[...]

Very eerie story. I like it. One to tell around the camp fire.

[Shasha]

Thank you very much Ivy Pepper for reading and reviewing my story...

[...]

You're welcome Shasha, it's nice to see young people developing their talent.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

I liked this, you don't expect the outcome, the lady in black was a very nice add. To have seen her before but only by the daughter sparks much attention to the character and who she is, well added. Tell me, why did the daughter only see her? I think if you extend this, it would be a great story, maybe the daughter was meant to die, but the mother saved her somehow. It sparks interest.

[Shasha]

Actually it is a type of miracle. Only a person sees it. The girl was trying to convince her mother about the lady but her mother didn't understand. Resulting, the train collided. Yes this I can do that the girl also dies. What you think? And yes thank you for reading and reviewing my story.....

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

I think its good, maybe the lady was there looking for the little girl, and though the mother did not notice her, she allowed the girl to survive. Maybe it was the mothers love that stopped death from harming the child. hmmm. makes me think

[Shasha]

That's a great idea!!!!

[sharmila]

it's a great one i liked how it ended in a cliffhanger.

[Shasha]

Thank you very much for reviewing and reading my story.