A Moment of Hate

A Moment of Hate

A Poem by Frances L. Phillips


A Moment of Hate
Don't tell me I don't love you.
I know very well I do.
I can still picture your smile
That lights up your eyes so blue.
Don't tell me I don't love you
For how could you know
How just the mention of your name
Lights my face with loves glow
It's been so long since I’ve seen you
And I know the fault is partly mine
There might have been a chance to keep you
If I had taken more time.
But time was not what you needed.
You needed so badly to be free.
Being tied was not in you.
At least not being tied to me.
I let you have your freedom
But reminded you with every chance
That I still loved you and was waiting
For you finish your wanderers dance.
I Pitched myself to you
Like a baseball to a bat
And it should be no surprise to me
That you hit a home run pushing me back.
I opened up the old wounds
Again and again and again
Ignoring pitying glances and kind advise
From concerned family and friends.
I clung to every little scrap
Of hope you tossed my way
Begged for any shred of attention
Like a child begging to play.
I didn't allow myself to hear
The things you were trying to say
Just twisted it around
Till it sounded more to my tastes.
I filled sheets and sheets and sheets
With the agony this all caused
Blaming it of course on you
How could I possibly be at fault.
I cried myself to sleep at night
Because you weren't coming back
I let myself fall into a depression
made no effort to lighten the black.
I just fed the dark with pictures of you
And with happy, love filled pictures of us.
Memorabilia from our life together
And your letters oozing love.
I memorized every word,
That I remembered you ever spoke
So I could play them back in my head
To hear your voice when I felt low.
I walked through life each and every day
Doing just what I had to do
So sure that I was just marking time
Till you saw the light and I got you.
I waited and I waited
And I hoped and wished and prayed
That you would come to your senses
And realize you did love me one day
I clung to my obsession
For that is what you had become
And My love turned to hate
Before I realized what had begun
But the hate opened my eyes
To things I had not seen
Flawing up and demystifying
The perfect you of my dreams
And I saw all the little insignificant things
for what they really were
The hints that I ignored because
The truth severely hurt
All the time that I had wasted
Was showing clearly in the light of hate
The lies that I had tasted
That you fed me everyday
The dreams I'd dreamed so futilely
That were never coming true
For them to ever had a chance
There had to have once been love from you.
And I still can't bring myself to regret
My moment of insightful hate
Regrets would be a waste of time
It's much, much too late
For that one moment of hate
Has already revealed the truth
Though I still love you so very much
And I Wish it wasn't true,
But the truth of the matter is I'm too good for you.





© 2009 Frances L. Phillips

Author's Note

Frances L. Phillips
This is the first Poem written about my Ex husband that I will freely without any hesitation admit that is comepletly about me and him. It's also the first poem that has been written through tears in long time. Not tears for what is or what could be but tears for the knowledge that I let this happen to myself and caused most of my pain on my own. I lost sight of what and who I am in my unhealthy devotion to him. This poem is ment to be the release of this destructive behavior. I have finally found my value and I hope that now I can move forward instead of always trying to look back. I will not be taking ratings on this poem But I do however welcome comments.

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Added on June 30, 2009
Last Updated on July 6, 2009


Frances L. Phillips
Frances L. Phillips

Houston, TX

I am a poet mainly, although if a topic interests me, I may occasionally write in the non fiction or even seldomly the Fiction genres. I am working on a novel that is going it's own direction. I h.. more..