Ode to Katub

Something i wrote before the break-up

I glare into your eyes

I feel like I'm gliding
with the birds in the skies.

Your smile radiates happiness 
in everyone who has but a dwindling
shadow of a soul.

You make me feel as though I'm flying 
high and weightless
looking down on your beauty.

Your skin as soft
as the finest silk
rich and flowing.

Your lips
as red as the finest wine
full and fruity.

Reviews

[freelancejouster]

this is beautiful, extraordinary, though the glare is a bit of an off-putter. i mean, i glare at boyfriend but only in jest, and i don't put it in poems because it makes it seem like your angry...? my only other suggestion is to remind you that commas are your friends, especially between words that describe one subject.

[Short.Nerd]

Wonderful poem! Great job:)

[Tarik]

this is so sweet :D

[fernii]

Very detailed poem and in general well written. Loved this poem. Keep writing :)

[Greg Skura]

Ah the sweetness of innocence. Well Done!

[M.Babu]

I agree with Celeste abit regarding the first line of the poem.
But overlooking that there were some very powerful lines in there which i thoroughly enjoyed
"Your lips
as red as the finest wine
full and fruity."
Was my favorite there without a doubt. Good but you can do better than this. Keep writing you've got potential!

[Katub]

You I make you feel like your flying, yet when I come around, your always falling.
You call me beautiful in so many ways, yet I do such ugly hateful things.
You say you glare into my eyes, yet how come you want to spend more time with me?
Thanks for the poem, its really sweet.

[guiltyascharged]

Nice. Shows a secret love, I think.

[Celeste21]

The first line I glare into your eyes throws off the vibe of the poem a little because glare is more of something you do to someone that has offended you in some way, not something you do to someone you adore. Other than that, this poem is warm and sincere even if a bit cheesy. ;)

[Madison A. Wright]

this is a nice poem.. deff captures what you were feeling at that moment and time.. love.. its a crazy thing!