Prologue

Stupid villagers.....

MY POV

As I looked upon the desolate wasteland in front of me, I felt like crying. Why in the world had I done that? I just wrecked my life, my future, my home.. So what if they were going to destroy the old man's house. What do I care??! But no, I just had to say that it wasn't right. And now look where I end up! In the middle of nowhere with no food and no water and no damn internet connection anywhere!

Sighing, I fell to the cracked, dirty asphalt on my knees and tugged on my auburn ponytail the loose strands flowing in the slight breezes that passed. But you don't regret it.. A small voice echoed in my head, which was the only conversation I could muster by myself. A small smile though I tried to hide it crept up onto my face. It had been kind of fun to punch ol' Joey in the face for once. He was such a pain. 

Feeling giddy, I jumped up giggling insanely, suddenly very satisfied with myself, and twirled around in a frenzy. I was free. Homeless, townless, weak, thirsty, without internet, but free. Never again would I have to see those horrible people with their snotty attitudes and their gruff voices. "Free at last, free at last!!" I shouted, mimicking the voice a very girly Martin Luther King Jr. Then, BAM! Blood trickled down the side of my head and pain hit me like lightning. Falling to the ground, I saw the silhouette of teenage boy and a pair of worn out sneakers with skinny legs attached to them. My world became real blurry real fast, and I struggled to stay awake. The last thing I remember was the metallic taste of my own head blood dripping into my mouth, the sound of a body hitting pavement, and dark blue eyes.

Author's Note

Have fun reading! Please criticize away.

Reviews

[JayG]

• As I looked upon the desolate wasteland in front of me, I felt like crying.

When you begin reading this you cheat. You start reading knowing who's speaking, and what led to that person saying this. You know what they see and what it means to them. So for you, the words point to images, idea, and story stored in your mind. But pity the poor reader. They don't know who's speaking or why. They don't know what's going on. And they don't where they are in time and space. It matters a great deal to the feeling of the words if the character is in ancient Palestine or New Mexico a thousand years from now. But when someone else begins to read, words point to images, idea, and story stored in YOUR mind. See the problem? I've looked out over wasteland in many part of the world, and it never made me feel like crying. So telling me that someone I know nothing about feels like that for reasons I don't know doesn't provide useful information because unlike you, I have no context and the words provide none.

That's why you need to place the reader in time and space, and make them know who they are and what's going on quickly. Before anything else, you need to make the reader care.

A couple of minor points. By definition, wasteland is desolate. so why tell the reader what they know.

And: One punctuation mark ends a sentence. If Stephen King can become successful following that rule, and readers expect only one, shoveling them in doesn't seem necessary.

Set some time aside to dig into the techniques the pros take for granted. It will be time well spent. And in that, the local library system's fiction writing department can be a huge help.

[Shiro Ookami]

Thank you for your comment. I completely understand.

[hi]

sounds good,to me it would be a great start to a movie,but for a book i think a little more
images,but still i think it would be a great start,so when is the first real chapter,i mean i want to know what happened...so?

[Shiro Ookami]

Don't worry. I am working on it. I might revise this as well to add some more details. Thank you for your review.

[Wølfy]

Okay so I have to agree with JayG on some of the things he said. Especially the punctuation. Unless this is a light novel then "???!" is a bit much. I do not know who the main character is if it is male or female. I hope you keep trying as I believe you will make a great book some day little sister. :)

[Shiro Ookami]

Thanks. :)

[Wølfy]

You are welcome. :)