BONUS NUMBER #1 : THIS IS NOT HAPPENING

This is my first attempt at loud writing.

This is not happening

 

No, no, nooo no!

 

My head is all beating

 

Na, na, naaa na!

 

My heart is not heating.

 

UH OH!

 

This is not happening,

My head is all beating,

My heart is not eating

THE LOVE YOU GAVE.

 

This is not happening

You words are still nagging

Your ear rings still dangling

IN MY HEAD WAVE.

 

Trying to forget, is like trying to forgive you

For mistakes that I committed

This is not happening

Innocent is not punishing

The criminal’s ideas are heated.

 

No, no no nooo

Na na na naaaa

 

‘I won’t tolerate your drama’

This is what I will say to me

I have never taken the blame

But this time I will take it on me

 

No

No

NO

 

What a confusion!

 

No

No

NOOOO!

 

This is my DISCRETION!

For myself!

 

Do you have any problem with it??

Then SHUT UP!

Author's Note

Reviews

[Rogue]

Me first?
-sigh-
I am not fond of the color block. It is a parlor trick and one you don't need, Shivam. Your words can stand on their own.
I do feel and understand the thoughts you are expressing. You get those across very clearly. And I like the piece wording as well (there are a few tenses that need correcting).

It is a good piece overall. :)

[Shivam Murari]

Thank you. And yes, now that you say, I see the tense errors too. But then correcting them might decrease the infuriate of the poem. :P

[Rogue]

Wait... What's that? Don't invite Rogue to read if you don't want the truth?
Harsh, man. Harsh.
-grin-
:P

[Shivam Murari]

Oh no no! I didn't mean it that way. I did of course recognize the tense errors when you pointed them out. Its just that I thought I might let the tension in the poem continue. I hope you understand what I mean.

[Rogue]

I did, Shivam and I was teasing you as you poked your tongue out at me. :P

[Shivam Murari]

oh! I got it :P

[Rajat Chandra]

You know who you sound like in this poem! :O

[Shivam Murari]

Yes, I know! And that is why it is not acceptable in the form of a poem! You see the ratings?

[Rajat Chandra]

Hahahaa... By the way, I want you to name whom you thought I meant? :D

[Shivam Murari]

Kurt Cobain?

[Rajat Chandra]

Yeah right! ^_^
Hahahaa :D

[Prritiy]

full outburst of emotions, hope that was cathartic emotionally for you.

best wishes

[Shivam Murari]

It was! Thanks a lot Prritiy

[Prritiy]

you are welcome.

[SHEEMA HUQ]

Such an explosion of feelings, you express your entrapment, your psychological claustrophobia in a most convincing way. With heightened drama, and the intensity of your emotions seem to fly off of the page, well done!

[Shivam Murari]

Thanks a lot Sheema! :)

[BL]

Great ending, the text suits the message and I felt like you were talking to me, which is the most effective way to communicate.

[Shivam Murari]

Thank you so, so much, Bluely! I'm glad, you liked my piece so much! :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

So colorful...and yeah, you're right...loud. Maybe because this is a rant from too much nagging. Lol.

Anyway, you have expressed all your emotions in here. The last line is apt for the piece...
"Then, shut up!"

[Shivam Murari]

Thank you so, so much, Dhaye! You're really wonderful. :)

[Kristin Lee]

This piece reads fast and furious, like a rant you'd fund in the pages of a diary. That I like, its rich with emotion. However, I'm with Rogue, I'm not a fan of the color block. And while I am also not a fan of music being attached to poetry, the dubstep adds to the feel of this piece quiet nicely.
Overall, great job.

[Shivam Murari]

Thank you so much Kristin. I was just experimenting, unintentionally, with this poem. That is why the genre is nonsense. :P
Thanks for reading :)

[TL Boehm]

I like the flow of this poem and especially that last line - "Shut up." It jerked me awake. Shut up. Sometimes we have to say it straight don't we.
Also liked "My heart is not eating the love you gave."

[Shivam Murari]

Thank you so much. All these lines, including the one you pointed were completely automatic. That's how it became like this. Thank you so much Boehm for reading and reviewing :)

[Divyanshu Kachhap]

Asif ko Diarrohea ho gaya :P

[Shivam Murari]

I know :P

[Shivam Murari]

I know :P

[Divyanshu Kachhap]

you dont have acc. on gmail ?

[Shivam Murari]

no, I don;t :P

[Divyanshu Kachhap]

then jaake banao >,< dekh kya rahe ho ???!!!

[Shivam Murari]

LOL. gmail is so boring :P

[Divyanshu Kachhap]

this type of poems comes in your mind before exams :/

[Shivam Murari]

Exactly true! This is what happened to me last night :P