The Way You Cry

The Way You Cry

There’s something about seeing you break down.

About watching your walls crumble

Brick by brick

About hearing your sobs from a distance

About realizing that maybe you aren’t

As strong as I thought you were.

There’s something about the way you cry.

About the way your nose and cheeks

Flush red

About the way tears flee from your green eyes

About the way you attempt to hide your face

In vain.

There’s something about your broken laugh.

About the tinge of sadness

That rests within the sound

About the way it hiccups and trips over your tears

About the sound of a soul exhausted

By the world’s constant schemes.

Reviews

[Anjali]

I've listened to 'Love the way you lie' and loved your writing on 'The way you cry'. Great choice of words hitting my emotional quotient.

Keep writing!

[Einstein Noodle]

damn Silver! powerful ... emotive to the hilt ... the turn in your closing line is a slam dunk .. universal and relatable to all says i! well done!
E.

[Haneefah]

Emotions are expressed in the most wonderful way by writing.
Weldone!

[Haneefah]

Nice Piece . The emotions is wonderfully expressed

[Najam Us Saher]

I can feel the pain through your wonderfully expressed words. Keep writing and sharing.

[barleygirl]

I love this message. Too often we assume people are “strong” & then we’re surprised when we find out they are not always. I love the way your poem starts out with somewhat distant details, then moving closer & closer as the message unfolds. Until finally you are so up-close-and-personal with your vivid details, I thought for a minute you were going to show us the snot coming from the nose! *wink! wink!* Really, tho . . . this is one of the most original descriptions of crying. I love it when a writer goes way beyond the typical observations about life (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Ace Jaxon]

I loved this so much!! Please continue writing!!

[SilverInk]

Thank you!

[Nigel Newman]

Hi there. I was just passing through, as they say, and I saw that barleygirl had saved this to her reading list. That's good enough for me, so I took a look.

You have a superb way with words. I disagree with the comment elsewhere that this needs more verses. The 'something' is the indefinable sense of human-ness, vulnerability, normal-ness, etc that makes the 'you' in this so much more approachable and just darn nicer or less intimidatory. As (I say, you have a way with words - for example, a broken laugh that hiccups and trips over tears - very strong poetic feel to it.

If I have one reservation, it's a nagging sense that the writer is watching, slightly voyeuristically and with perhaps some enjoyment. It feels as though perhaps the 'you' was previously seen by the writer as arrogant, sure of themselves, rude, always strong, etc etc and that the writer is taking some delight from their observations. That the writer may perhaps even have engineered the whole situation. Or that the 'you' was maybe a human version of a laboratory rat, almost where the scientist is now discussing the results of a test. If that's what you intended, you've done it quite deftly and, a bit like the early chapters of a Stephen King novel, one can imagine it might develop more evil grotesque overtones later. However, if the writer simple happened upon these observations and felt liberated by the realisation that the 'you' was 'just' a normal mixed up human like the rest of us, then that hint of malevolence goes away. I'd be interested in knowing more about your intent. I'm probably way off the mark!

But whatever - you write well and make good pictures!

Regards
Nigel

[SilverInk]

Thank you so much!
My intention was for the writer to want to enjoy seeing their foe in pain, but rather ends up feeling pity for them.
The poem is based on a true story, and I wrote it right after I witnessed the scene described in the poem. A "friend" of mine had done something they shouldn't have been doing (to say the least), and the consequences of their actions were more than they had bargained for. While they deserved their punishment, I also felt very sorry for them.
The 'you' usually makes jokes and laughs frequently and doesn't tend to show anything other than light happiness, hence the last stanza.
I'm so glad you liked the poem, Nigel!

[Nigel Newman]

Thanks for this. So I was vaguely along the right lines but your explanation makes great sense. Yes, 'friends' sometimes do unexpected things that can make us examine our own reactions and values. Interesting area.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

thanks for this amazing descriptive poem thanks for entry into my romantic contest
still going through entries may take some time thanks again !

[SilverInk]

I'm glad you liked it, and no problem!

[c. bee]

I really like the intimate, melancholy feeling this invokes in the reader. I really enjoy that it doesn't go too much into specifics, as it paints a universally relatable picture that everyone can get something out of.

[SilverInk]

This was my intention, I'm glad you liked the poem!