Autumn Wind

Autumn Wind

A Poem by Silver_Moon
"

The second seasonal poem right after Spring Blossom...

"

Cold as it is,

The wind blows carelessly

As the red and brown leaves

Trip, play and fly around me

 

Bold it can be,

The majestic colors can be seen

In the mountains and in the parks

Where I can hear the sweet melody of the larks

 

A beautiful sight that's what it is

Can't help but smile at it

As I sit down on the cold wet ground

Watching the busy people strut around

 

Now, I have to go home and slumber,

As winter comes a little faster

At the den, my pups are waiting for me

To cuddle, and with them I sleep

© 2008 Silver_Moon


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

A lovely picture poem that lights up the mind. However, there are some problems with grammar here, not many, but punctuation could also improve this piece. Your fourth line -
'As the red and brown leaves
Trips, plays and flies around me' - just because 'leaves' is plural doesn't mean that the following words need to be plural. 'Trip, play and fly around me' would be more correct.
Commas are important. They direct the reader where to insert the pauses. I would add a comma after the first line of the second verse, and again after the third line.
Bold it can be,
The majestic colors can be seen
In the mountains and in the parks,
Where I can hear the sweet melody of the larks. (Also use full stops)
Try the following for the third verse -
A beautiful sight, that's what it is;
Can't help but smile at it
As I sit down on the cold, wet ground,
Watching the busy people strut around.
In the fourth verse I would insert commas after 'slumber', and 'cuddle'.
Just my take on it. Otherwise, a pleasant write that throws images at you as you read. Well done.




Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

i enjoyed reading this, it truly opens the eyes to outside of our hustle-bustle lives...

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Good imagery. Made me feel all snuggly! We don't exactly have all four seasons here in Singapore, but this gives a sense of what it's like.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A lovely picture poem that lights up the mind. However, there are some problems with grammar here, not many, but punctuation could also improve this piece. Your fourth line -
'As the red and brown leaves
Trips, plays and flies around me' - just because 'leaves' is plural doesn't mean that the following words need to be plural. 'Trip, play and fly around me' would be more correct.
Commas are important. They direct the reader where to insert the pauses. I would add a comma after the first line of the second verse, and again after the third line.
Bold it can be,
The majestic colors can be seen
In the mountains and in the parks,
Where I can hear the sweet melody of the larks. (Also use full stops)
Try the following for the third verse -
A beautiful sight, that's what it is;
Can't help but smile at it
As I sit down on the cold, wet ground,
Watching the busy people strut around.
In the fourth verse I would insert commas after 'slumber', and 'cuddle'.
Just my take on it. Otherwise, a pleasant write that throws images at you as you read. Well done.




Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wow this is lovely and it really cheered me up.
Very nice work, and it's not a story !!!!
*smiles*


~Raven

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the way you tripped me up with my own perception. Niiiiice.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

142 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Added on October 6, 2008
Last Updated on October 9, 2008

Author

Silver_Moon
Silver_Moon

Philippines



About
I love people to read, view, review and love my works. I love reading, viewing, reviewing and loving people's works. More about me: glitter-graphics.com glitter-graphics.com I sometimes see.. more..

Writing
Preface Preface

A Chapter by Silver_Moon


... ...

A Book by Silver_Moon



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


paranoia paranoia

A Poem by Nobody.