SWEETARTS

I seen your soul

And it’s easy to pretend…

Loving you

Is loving me!

I’ll yell it off the top of my lungs,

Me without you,

I can not be!

Always,

All days…

I’ll be reading you poetry

To make your heart sing!

I want to make you lose your mind,

And me?

I feel like a retard.

From your toes to

The top of your head,

I want to eat you up

Like SWEETARTS!

Even with a billion

Toothaches,

You will be my dish

Beyond my

Heart aches!                        

Reviews

[JayceeC]

This one is not up to par with your others Sin, Not sure what happened but this feels disconnected to me. We can start out with line one and "seen" needs to be "see". It's almost like you started out with a rhyme scheme and then discarded it. "Me without You, It cannot be!" has a forced sound to it. try something original that goes back to your title "me without you, it's like lemon without zing." The word retard will also catch some of your readers wrong. It's just not nice Sin. (Sighs) The biggest thing is that you have Sweetarts sitting largely in this poem, its even the title and nothing really connects to it. I think you need to add the the candy theme.
Definitely not your best but we all have those writes. ~Jan

[annalysiar]

Hmm this one has a good flow, and i love the comparisons. I cannot and will not say its not to par as it gives a lovely "aww" gist to it

[sinNsincerity]

This one is pretty simple and just experimental. It has its moments.

[annalysiar]

Still nicely done😀😀

[nazia]

This poem has a natural flow in it its just moving on like a river.
BTW I love sweet tarts. everytime someone names them makes me wan to eat one.

[sinNsincerity]

That's awesome! Thank you for reading Nazia!

[AaronFreitas]

Nice work my friend :) Sweetarts are yummy haha

[sinNsincerity]

Yep, my fav!

[Isabel25]

Even with a billion toothaches you will be my dish?? That is soo cute...yet another fun, quirky poem. This is divine sin. Love it! Love it :)

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Annie for thinking so. It's always a delight to know you enjoyed it.

[alex-marie]

It has an interesting sense of unity within the poem, the evidently connected souls. I agree with JayceeC in the bold choice of diction, but i think it emphasizes the loss of thought and therefore poise in expression. I also particularly enjoyed the wordplay of 'Sweetarts', combining the infantile craving of candy to your infatuation with her but also read as 'Sweet arts'- alluding to this sort of love poem. I Think there is more to the poem that others may on first reading dismiss. However, i enjoyed this. Well done. xox

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Alex for reading!

[Stephie.Santi]

This is amazing it really is, the way you describe the want and need for this person, and how you compare it to candy really got my attention. I love it

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you for reading and it's always a pleasure to hear you loved it.

[wordman]

you are in love my friend

[sinNsincerity]

I'm always In love my friend!

[Jamestown]

Now that's a killer rebuttal:)

[sinNsincerity]

Totally...

[sereenaoutloud]

I want to eat you up
Like SWEETARTS!
Even with a billion
Toothaches,
You will be my dish
Beyond my
Heart aches! Love this combination of words and Rhyme, So sweet SS love it!!

[sinNsincerity]

Than you Sereena for thinking so!
You're the bestestest! hahaha

[sereenaoutloud]

lol..no you are the Bestestest + infinity :))

[Jamestown]

Another unique fun flowing write!
Sweet sentiment mixed with playful humor,
great job brother, thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you James for reading.

[TheOne&Only]

Different, bold, tangy and sweet just like a sweet tart, I understood your intent/ slight disconnect..But who doesnt have those pieces?!?! :) Thanks for sharing...

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you hon, I appreciate it.