"Reason To Lie"

Just wrote this earlier today.

“I'm fine” This must have to be my go to line right behind “Hello” and “Hi” just seem to have a knack for the gift of gab It all just flows off the silver lined tongue.

It's my favorite two lettered sentence to say when I don't mean what I claim but everyone just accepts and takes it all at face value.

I'm a troubled teen barely the age eighteen just worried over what others think and all the things I can not see or bring myself to terms with something despite it all being done for what must've been an eternity.

My suppose to be love of my life left me high and dry yet there was no warmth only because I had to walk in that gusty storm afterwards.

I nearly flunked high school due to all those past mistakes I had made in attempts to become something I never was meant to be.

Rewind a little more I once found myself finding answers for relief in the knife and feel the rush as I slowly begin to bleed.

Self mutilate all because I couldn't stand the emotional pain so I brought my nerves to care about the cut moreover the figurative scar plastered on my red beating heart.

Played and tugged my strings like a harp each day could've been the last with how unstable I felt.

Thankfully I have moved away from those dark days.

Now fast forward to the present here I am taking the time to write about why I like to lie all while I entertain the gallery with rhyme and poetry.

To further explain why I still feel so cornered I sometimes just feel like I am living for the sake of doing so I mean might as well.

Any major decisions for the past seventeen years were never mine to make… Leaving my hometown and all my friends for the life in the city all because Mother no longer loved my Father.

I eventually got over it and started anew and grew to be eight and kept friends till nine to once again move another four more times.

To have somewhere along the way stopped going outside stayed cooped up in the side of my room with a book or two.

Could never really bring myself to be too close with friend's in fear of leaving again so day's turn to years.

Got good grades and people's grace for being one of the greats someone who was fun to be around transformed my personality to that of the class clown.

I was the stand up comedian of the next few grades to always have something witty to say.

However behind closed doors the smile was gone the humor not to be seen just silence with a faintly heard weep at night when I should have been asleep.

To continue the charade until after eighth grade where I just could no longer care to try and win them over with a jest.

Still said jokes out of habit but it just happened without any thought already ditched the clown.

Settled on being unseen never rose above the social radar what was the point anyways? Had friend's surprise I left them… again.

Tenth grade would now mark that dark period of my life to once again brighten during near the end and the start of the beginning of grade eleven.

To eventually once again bring my life to a new source of problems to follow after.

We already went over the storm now came the eye where I switched personalities and emotions on the fly more aggressive always feel the need to start a fight never treated anyone of my teacher's right always definite.

A rebel with no reason or cause. Why? Just because.

felt a embodiment of bloodlust and rage to only soften in the last grade where I became mellow still did have an attitude but was no longer looking for unneeded trouble.

… Yet after all this I can only say my go to line but don't worry please I said “I'm fine.”

Author's Note

Leave what you thought.

Reviews

[Njeri Brooks]

Although I can't really relate to the self mutation, I can relate to just about everything else in this poem.

Moving around a lot can induce stress, and it can leave one feeling like an observer of everyone who has already made their own roots.

To be honest, moving around a lot makes me crave a small town where everyone knows one another....

The school I attend and the community I currently live in is majority white (something I wasn't used to in the other places I've lived), and I, unfortunately, stick out like a sore thumb haha.

And to be honest, I wasn't really aware of all the racial stereotypes there really were...
(***sigh*** people can be really stupid and ignorant)

But getting back to your story, I feel like I may have some things in common with you such as the lying about being fine.

There are moments in my life when I'm at work or school when I just have to fake it til I make it.

For instance, a few days before this past Christmas, I was working a shift at Walmart (honestly, it's a lot better than fast food) as a cashier. A customer's card was being denied. He proceeded to yell at me and call me a few racial slurs as the other customers stood in line behind him.

Long story short, after my manager told the old man to calm down, she cancelled his purchase via HIS request after he told us plan and simple to "put all the s**t back". He changed his mind, so I had to take out all of his groceries and ring them up again. All while listening to him tell the other customers behind him about how crappy this "b***h of a cashier" was.

We got his card to work after about 5 more times, and he left. The following costumers all asked me if I was okay. All I could really say was "I'm fine", and through the next hour I had to keep myself from crying.

So moral of that story is 'fake it til you make it'.

The mc in this story is very relatable to me on a personal level.

Quick question: is this really just a story? Or is it a personal account?

However, the part where you said you were the class clown is not something I can relate to as I have always been the responsible one. The girl who always took things too seriously. lol, plus, I often regret saying something that could rub off on people in the wrong way.

Haha, your writing is able to pull a lot out of me.
Although I couldn't properly review this by staying objective, I will not delete a single bit of it.

This was my honest reaction to reading "Reason To Lie".

Also, I'd like to know if you also have those moments when your lies feel like they have become true.

Do you start to believe in them?

[Sir_Anonymous]

Yeah there is a lot of stupidity in this world we live in.

Plus I do too also wish I lived in a smaller town as I am now just horrible with socializing with new people and friends.

I hold sympathy for you on that God awful experience you had before Christmas.

You did well to not break down in front of everyone I would have probably just lost my cool and started acting like a dick back to him by demeaning every single obscurity that he claims as my fault and call him out on it asking for him to stand up or sit down.

If that seemed oddly specific that's cause it has happened before while at my old job which was Target and it was like a day before Christmas and everyone is doing last minute shopping cause that's what some people do rather than getting all of the gifts a week or so before but whatever.

Anyways someone called me racist for settling a dispute between one white guy and one black guy between who was here first and should get the gaming system I think it was a PS4 but it was the last one in stock... I saw they made it to the gaming center at pretty similar time however I saw the white man ask for it to be taken out of the display case before the black gentleman did so thus opted to letting him get the system.

The guy gave a whole sob story on how it's for his kid and that "I" just ruined his son's Christmas by being and I quote "No good white trash honkey who is racist to blacks."

Amongst other more "Colorful" terms.

Anywho back to my poem, yes this is all accounted by my own personal experience.

Everything that happened is from what has actually happened or is happening to me.

Lying used to be a bad habit I had when I was younger but I've tried staying as honest as possible with people even if telling a lie would have been more beneficial for me.

I actually believed the stories I use to fabricate when I was of a younger age all in attempts to have something interesting to say.

However I stopped lying for the most part ever since seventh grade where I got caught red handed in my own web and just felt utterly embarrassed.

Sincerely, Storytime Is Over

[Njeri Brooks]

It's never a great experience when irritate customers yell at ordinary people like you and me simply for working there. Also, I think it was just a double edged sword because if you had given it to the black dude, then the white dude would have chewed you off too.

[Njeri Brooks]

Plus, having relatable issues is something I look for in writing, so I think I liked it more because "Storytime [was] over."

[Sir_Anonymous]

lol ya liked that?

Yeah I put that at the end as more of a gag than anything else.read morelol ya liked that?

Yeah I put that at the end as more of a gag than anything else.

Kinda like I'll sometimes put a parody of Spider-Man's title

The "Spectacular" "Web Slinger"

And I'll just put "Sincerely, The Spectacular Word Slinger."

I find it a tad amusing at best so I continue to do that sort of thing.

[Njeri Brooks]

Ok, that makes sense. I wondered why you did that lol.

[Sir_Anonymous]

Bit of a comic geek, Like to work out, Read both books and manga daily, watch anime almost every day, videogaming at least twice a week, write something almost every month or less, listen to music at almost any moment I'm awake while I read,while I write, While I work out, while I sleep, while I game, and I also like long walks on the beach.

Sincerely, "My Life"

[Sir_Anonymous]

Time for another shameless plug in but you should read "Undying Desire" it's about my attempts at love for the first time as something more serious and less "I have a girlfriend she likes me." As I was in the past with relationships I had

otherwise known as a total ditz.

[Njeri Brooks]

Hmm. I can't say I like the beach... There's too much sand that happens to get into places they shouldn't be. Music is something I listen to a lot as well. Even in the shower, and surprisingly, I've yet to ruin my phone.

I don't like really like gaming anymore aside from a free app on my phone (grew up with some of the best sore losers).

"Undying Desire" sounds interesting. You know where I'm headed next.

[Sir_Anonymous]

Oh lol I put "long walks on the beach" as a joke as it was the stereotype for most women back then to say that when talking about their selves.

Made popular by television and other sorts of comedy dramas.

[Njeri Brooks]

lol I know

[Shasha]

Yup, I know. I noticed it.

[Shasha]

Another nice one. You know these types of poems leaves one thinking about them... Don't let it down, keep it up

[Sir_Anonymous]

Thanks I was kinda worried that I was in a slump again becsuse I hadn't written anything in about two weeks... Also I don't know if you realize but there is a scoring system to the bottom left right under where you first comment.

Sincerely, Sir_Anonymous