Im sorry

I know a lot of people its judging, and I get it. Its alright I say to myself, everyday..

Everyday I tell myself its not a big deal, and that I’m overreacting

But after some time, that excuse it’s no longer enough

The worst thing is that I know I’ve been here before, and I know its going to get worse...

And I kind of always knew that this was going to come back

I’m just so tired, I kind of just don’t care anymore, or I don’t want to care

I changed everything in my life, to not feel this

But maybe I was just running away, so I never confronted it

How can I tell someone that I’m not okay?, I don’t want to be a burden

I think this is my destiny, to be lonely and learn to cope with it

But I’m worried some day I’m not going to be able to cope with it

Because I’m lazy, and just to imagine to cope with that all my life…

I don’t think it’s possible

So I’m sorry mom and dad, I know I will let you down

One way or another I’m going to fail, at my job, my studies, my friends, my life

I’m sorry for not being what you want me to be

That strong girl you tried to raise, I’m nothing like that

And if you could only see or comprehend

You two would be amazed...

The “I’m fine” that I’ve told you over the phone are just lies..

What I wish to say is “please come and save me”

But like I said, I’m not a little girl anymore..

And I know if you could see how much I’m suffering, you wouldn’t handle it

The last thing I want to do to you is to hurt you more.