DAMNED

A private place to pour out my soul seems a luxury
As I am tormented by painful voices, events and memories
I hold back, hoping I choke on my tears
Bound by my anxiety and fears

Stung daily by the betrayals and rejection
My life is ebbing away without direction
I pray and cry out for a form of rescue
But I am stuck in the dark with no clue

Unworthy of help before God because of my doubt and unbelief
What won't I do to get a bit of relief
I'm pierced, naked, bleeding in an ocean with sharks
Damned, I can't stay here, stranded, I can't go back

Death seems an only escape still I won't find peace
Daily my fragile heart and hopes are constantly dashed to pieces
Caught up in this war without the ability and zeal to fight
It's my fault and God is always right

Damned if I live, damned if I die
Damned when after the smile I secretly break down and cry
Damned in acceptance that heralds rejection
Damned as I am cheerful on the foundations of depression

Damned when it's bad, damned when it's alright
Damned as I am often suppressed by a load of my plight
Damned as I am forced to live out this life
Damned as my heart is constantly ripped apart by knives

Damned as daily of myself I lose control
Damned, am never fit for life's top role
Damned, my requests, prayers and desperate needs never matter
Damned even the seemingly good ones leave sooner or later.

Damned for the judgment I will receive as I bare a bit of my soul
Damned as nothing or no one can fill this hole
Damned as alive or dead I can't find rest
Damned as I never run out of trials and test


Damned as I experience both the pain of hope and the hope of pain
Damned as every second of my existence is a battle to stay sane
Damned as I stay wishing that He will for me show up
Damned as with each instance of abandonment, I die and grow up


Damned as I am gradually turning a liability
Damned as I am eluded by peace and stability
Damned, frequently beaten and punished for crying
Damned I am forced to stay living wishing for death and dying