Better

It is a long way from where I am to better
But each journey begins with a tiny step
Starting now with nothing left for later
Realizing there are things I don't have to accept


Like love served as a bait for control
And words that drilled in fragile heart holes
A reason for some to tell of how bad they had it too
Without the slightest idea of what you have been through


Whippings from bitter fights caused by confronting wicked lies
Stares of disgust that draw out hidden tears from the eyes
That even when what it was, is dead
The voices scream louder within the head


One that says that my value and worth is equivalent to that of the trash
Since I came from anything but a home
He's the best whom if I leave I will end up miserable and alone
My genteel frame needed toughening so I
deserve everything harsh


You seem to have it all, why so sad they asked?
But behind closed doors, I was faced with the monster behind the saint's mask
That wasted my time and drained my youth
And dared me to make the mistake of telling the truth


Daily I got t to question my senses
As the ingestion of a steady dose of verbal bile broke down my defenses
Still, there existed a desire, a hope for better
Even if it was but a tiny flicker

Narcissus forgot that strength is not averse to the weak 
Reaching for better began by shutting out when he speaks
Steadily refuting in my mind the projected lies and falsehoods
Fanning flames that gradually destroyed a confining palace of cedar wood

I fought to expel the demons and reach for the sun
It was fierce and I was injured but it gets darkest before the dawn
It's better now, what I choose to claim
Eagerly waiting for when the nightmares, flashbacks will be out of my brain

I deserve better, though the damage has been done
I deserve better because broken crayons still color
I choose better, freedom a thousand times over furlough
I choose better, out of brokenness comes a whole on