Confessions of A Broken Soul- Pt 2

Ever wondering when this torturous longing will end
Ever wondering when messages to Him will finally send
So He can mercifully grant me an audience
In place of this demeaning silence

I am nothing but a deviant, a sinner
A disappointment to me, a shame to my dad, a heartbreak to my mother
Bound to end up in the lake of fire
Then you will feel justified and better

Even though I never really asked to be here
And all my days have been filled with pain and fear
Even though about me you never really cared
And encounters with you have left me scarred and scared

And I tried my best to keep your rules
Your chosen, Ekklesia abused me and played me for a fool
And I have kept the crushing burden of my pain hidden
So It will not be said that in self-pity I wallow, playing the victim

Foolish it was of me to trust you and give up my only pillar
To think that I am worthy of your help and love
Your actions in my life steadily contradict your word

Now I have no idea who or what I am
I spent my life altering myself to please I Am
Now my life is ruin and rubble
Yes I know that I am in deep, serious trouble

And you have refused to help me
No one or nothing is coming to save me
And on the day of dark clouds when the sky is blue
This soul will get to do what it ought to have done since

And that in itself to me is unfair
But you are not fair but just
Endlessly you have betrayed my trust
And nothing with you is laissez-faire

For guilty I am before and after my sin
With you I will never get to win
with each word in this piece my heart sinks
I wished that I can disappear with no trace like ashes down the sink

Maybe in another life my life will be beautiful and bright
Then I will finally get it right
Maybe I will possess special talents to be worth something
And to me and someone I just might mean something

Reviews

[k.d.s]

I love this! I know how damning religious trauma can be. You did an amazing job of captivating the reader, the whole time I could picture the poet just screaming, "Can you hear me now, God?"