The Ripping Feeling

The impossible task of describing the darkest hauntings of your mind.

It’s the feeling I’ve been trying to describe my whole life. It happens every once in a while, sometimes in dream and sometimes in waking day. It has followed me since I can remember like a cut on the inside of the cheek that doesn’t heal. Maybe if I attempt to scratch the feeling into words it will help.

It grabs all your senses and uses them against you.

It feels like staring at a light bulb through your eyelids, all blotchy and hazed.

It feels like being crushed slowly, so slowly that you don’t even notice, until you can no longer breathe.

It feels like time is sped up but you yourself have slowed down and are trying hopelessly to catch up.

It feels like everyone you ever knew forgetting you exist.

It feels like a small rip that will spread until you yourself, are a million pieces of what you used to be.

It feels like breathing deeply in a lake of your own blood.

It feels like it will never end no matter how long you appeal it to see reason.

It does not stop because it knows no reason. What it is, I am not sure.