Thirsty

I feel the thirst beginning to rise.

The smell of human blood fills my nostrils.

I dash off to my room and hide in the darkness there. I await for the thirst to leave but it just builds. I have gone beyond the limit of waiting.

I rush into my closet where the cold iron chains await me. I lock myself up but to no avail.

The thirst is high and the smell so strong, that I begin to change.

As my change completes, I pull myself free from my chains. I hear my family, only three. I run to the living room and being my frenzy. I kill the child and begin on the man.

When his blood touches my lips I go into a haze, the sweet hot liquid running through me.

I tear them both apart savoring the woman for last. Blood splashes and spills everywhere.

The woman lashes out at me but doesn't do much, I finish on the man and turn my ravish nature on her.

I lung for her neck and bite down hard. She cries out in pain as I begin to feed. SOon I have my fill of blood and tear her apart, chewing on the limbs, and filling up on the meat.

I claw at the walls and break the furniture. I curl up on the couch and fall asleep there.

I awake caked in blood and look around. Parts of my family are everywhere. Blood and claw marks cover the walls. THe after taste of blood lingers in my mouth.

With shock and horror I realize what I had done.

Now I roam the streets at night quenching my thirst on those who pass me.

Reviews

[V]

Fantastic imagery, morbid, absolutely splendid.

[Rev. Fr, S. D. Blankens..]

Very dark, I love it. I wish you well in the contest. :P


the Gothic Cowboy

[facadeofshadows]

You leave me with a lot of unanswered questions, which seems to be the problem with flash fiction. You never technically clarify what your character turns into. From the photo I would assume some sort of canine, but since you never come out and say it, it could be a twisted humanoid with claws. I would have liked that cleared up. But my only real problem with this piece is that it seems unfinished.

Maybe that's a good thing � at least you left me wanting to read more!

There are a few grammatical things. "Lunge" is misspelled. There is a "soon" and a "the" that have incorrect capitalization, etc.

I really liked this. I thought the style in which it was written was very unique, almost poetic. The writing flowed really well, and the short sentences and paragraphs added a chopped up sense that resembled the bodies after you were done with them ;). If you do decide to expand on this story, or edit/whatever, leave the style the same, because the style very much suites (and adds to) the piece.

[Bubbles]

thats really good... i think i started to get chills...