Snowmobiling

Snowmobiling

A Poem by Kat24
"

It is about Snowmobiling.

"

Snowmobiling

Snowmobiling is awesome,

snowmobiling is one of the things that you can do in the winter time

  and have a lot of great time doing it.

Snowmobiling is great  when you get to drive

the snowmobile or  ride on the snowmobile

when someone eles is driving the snowmobile.

That is why I think snowmobiling is so fun.

 

© 2011 Kat24


Author's Note

Kat24
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Cool! I live in rural British Columbia. So snowmobiling and such are big part of the lifestyle!
I have a few ideas to for fixing this up. They might sound harsh, but I really think criticism (told kindly) is really the only way to go. The only way to improving your work.
So you’ve got a great idea here… snowmobiling. It has many ideas and things that you can expand on and go into more detail! So good choice here!
I’m going to just go over each line in this poem.
Snowmobiling is fun- You should pick a different word than “fun”. Fun is overused and doesn’t have much meaning. So maybe pick a more descriptive word.

snowmobiling is one of the things that you can do- This line didn’t make sense until I read the line after it. You need to combine the two as it makes a complete thought. So you could say “snowmobiling is one of the things you can do in the wintertime.
Then you could add an extra line saying. “and have a lot of fun doing it”. Once again the fun word! Choose something more descriptive. Exhilarating, exciting… Just a couple of ideas!
Snowmobiling is fun when you get to drive- Once again fun word!! But I do like this line, nothing’s better than taking over the wheel! Ha!
the snowmobile, or ride on the snowmobile- This didn’t really make sense. You spelled “snowmobile” wrong. But why did you put the “the snowmobile” at the beginning? You could probably taking it out.
when someone eles is driving the snowmobile- Probably put an “or” before when somebody else is driving the snowmobile. Just makes more sense.
I like the ending line! It’s so much fun.


So overall good start! I would try and use some of the tips I gave you. It just helps it flow & is easier. The main thing is use more descriptive words! Try reading it aloud, to yourself. Does it make sense? Just an editing tip!
I like this poem, and if I was harsh I apologize. I just want you to become a better writer! I enjoyed this poem. You captured the sporting of snowmobiling! Great write!
& please, message me if you have any questions about writing / my advice!


Posted 9 Years Ago


Bravo.

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on December 5, 2009
Last Updated on January 17, 2011

Author

Kat24
Kat24

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My name is Katherine. I really like sports and hanging out with my friends. My favorite music is Pop. My favorite animals are Cats, Cows, and Rabbits. Thanks for reading my short bio. and don't fo.. more..

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