�In A Mood�

Friday morning alone in the corner of our local restaurant
I’m just about comfortable with myself to sit by myself
Been frowning for an hour or so trying to get into this new book
I have trouble reading at home without any of this background noise
As the voice in my head is louder than those words
I end up listening to him instead of following the storyline
So I need the constant clatter and occasional dropped smashes from the busy  kitchen
The noise keeps the flow running and my eyes follow across every page
My coffee is the right side of cold enough for me to order another cup
I’m in that kind of mood

Sometimes you can just look at someone to know that they are single
They are either hidden at the back or virtually sitting on your lap
They give you more glances, more gaps for chances
More questions asked…more time put aside for dancing
And he was well presented with shoes recently shined and fashionably pointed
We’re from completely different worlds, but the needs are equal
We both order the same sandwich, catch our eyes smiling and return to our darkened corners
Laughing to myself as he blank passes me to greet a woman who’s standing grinning at the window- they kiss and he leaves with her…
I guess he wasn’t in the mood

The gaggle of girls on the middle table make pleasant remarks about each other
Openly wishing her love and luck, but underneath it all you can smell the jealousy, resentment and plans to ruin their engagement
This makes me examine my own feelings towards the people that I hang out with
I remember when she used to think it was wrong to follow in their footsteps
But now she wears the same shoes as everyone else- what happened to her?
She used to question each and every remark
She could live without the cousin fumbles in the dark
But the last time I saw her she stood with growing bump and an Argos ring on her wedding finger
Her boyfriend went abroad to work through the Summer, but he never ever came home again…
Rumour has it that he meet up with Janet and married her instead, well she did have her own bar there
Suppose he was in that kind of mood

Thinking of lost loved ones, I remember the confusing questions directed at me from Glastonbury
Why did the boys on the phone want to know all about Michael?
When I had sad news to tell them about Farrah
Google refused to agree or deny whether he had also died that night
Minutes later I heard the muddy fields scream in the background as the worst news is suddenly confirmed
My future died a few weeks ago and now my past quickly follows through
Is this all about getting older or just a bad month for me?
They didn’t think they’d come back to newspaper stands declaring how much the world is missing him
Or watching nothing but 24 hours of Sky News repeating the same fuzzy mobile phone footage of the ambulance leaving
The tour buses not sure of which way to turn…do they just follow him to the hospital?
How can you pick up on their mood?

I guess I’m in the headspace for contemplating what’s missing from here
My second coffee arrives to tears in my eyes
The best part of me steadily drifted off and frost softly released from my warm tightly gripped hand
The recall is constant, horrid and slowed down so that I can still see every detail
My Mum is brave in the face of decay, but that day she lost something amazing from her life
We all said our goodbyes, but the hollow shape of what was everyday now becomes huge:
Wonder who’s gonna give me advice…now who’s gonna say,
“Promise me, son, not to do the things I’ve done
Walk away from trouble if you can
It wont mean you’re weak if you turn the other cheek
I hope you’re old enough to understand:
Son, you don’t have to fight to be a man”
I still cannot process the right kind of mood

Friday afternoon alone in the corner of our local restaurant
I guess I’m comfortable enough with myself to sit by myself for so long
Been frowning for an hour or so trying to get into this damn book and out of my head
But I’m having trouble reading with this level of mind noise
The voice in my head is louder than any outside force
I end up listening to him instead of following the day ahead
So I sit and try to listen to the constant chatter and occasional foreign language clashes from the burning kitchen
But these noises only keep the thoughts running and my eyes are tired of the moments I have seen
My coffee is the right side of hot, but I can’t drink it…

I’m just not in the mood.

 

Reviews

[cest la vie]

Jesus, Marion and Joseph;
You have managed to render me jaw half-way open, saying "Damn I wish I had of written that". Your storytelling in this piece allowed the reader to be a voyeur inside your thoughts. The way you carried the internal thought flow through the varying moods is nothing short of wonderful. Ok, gotta bookmark you. There is greatness, right around that bend. You have a touch of that Augsten Burroghs in ya!!

[Marlton]

Loved the scale of the loss in this poem, from the profoundly personal up top the iconic and symbolic losses, all neatly interwoven. A perfect picture of how emotions are processed in those unexpected moments alone drinking coffee. Brilliant image of mud screaming at Glastonbury. SMH X