Without You

A stranger for only a little while.

A kiss, your touch, a first breath shared,

In love we fell,

And I was certain I could never be…

without you.

 

 

Moments gathered and days slipped by

Shadows edged the sun;

In love we faltered,

 And I thought I would never survive…

without you.

 

 

An eternity planned in heaven,

Came crashing down on earth

In love we lost,

And now there must be a forever…

without you.

 

 

Reviews

[ebur™]

Wow, a really well written poem that I though you used really wonderful phrases here and there. I especially liked the last stanza. great job! :)

[StoryTailor]

I loved it. It was... happy. At least, that's how I saw it. I know that the people before me thought otherwise. But I thought it was happy. Heh. Guess I think differently. But that's beside the point. It was nice, and I liked it. good job. *tips hat* (see that! I got a hat so that I can tip it to people)

[Manie]

This is truely an amaizing writing of falling in and out of love. I loved it! Nice structure and rhythm. Superb use of words. I love the way your story progresses and unfolds. It is sad, but so realistic and almost anybody can relate to it. You definitely captured my attention and had me intrugued until the end. When I started reading, I thought this was going to be a typical love poem, but it wasn't. There's a twist. I love how you use the words "without you" in a positive way in the beginning and then in a negative way in the end. This is what makes this such an amazing poem to me. You read the exact same word in the beginning and the end, but experience a different emotion when reading them respectively. Again, I love the progression and how the story unfolds.

Stanza 1 - Falling in love
Stanza 2 - Failing in love
Stanza 3 - Lost without love

My favourite stanza would definitely be stanza 2 (and especially those first three lines)

"Moments gathered and days slipped by
Shadows edged the sun
In love we faltered"

Very well written. I love this poem. Well done! 10/10

[Christine Nadon]

aww, it's so sad. short and sweet though! :D

[Ben]

Good job. Sad, but nice write!