Serpents And Wolves

Flash Fiction

She had wrestled with many a serpent that wrapped their slinky body around hers, tightening the grip for death, squeezing every drop of life from her.  And each time escape appeared by a slim chance, luck was there in the moment.  And there were wolves too, with voices oozing charm, dressed in style, in the woolly warmness of sheep; but hungry dogs, dribbling, waiting impatiently to devour a good meal.  She learned to run from them all, breathless, wide-eyed, heart pounding within the chase.

They wanted life, her life, desiring the beautiful things.  Needing to be full of the good within her, to enable them to shine, as she did.

But in these untrustworthy days, change has come, she scans the world with new eyes.  Now the living dead can only afford to hiss and growl in the dark.  Not once will they get close enough, to lick the salt and taste how delicious she is.  Not close enough, to hold on and wring her dry.

She sees them coming now, even before the day dawns.  She hears their mischievous desires moan and rumble like distant thunder on a cool breeze.  It is always the same, as each one approaches; a cheesy grin, the freak in disguise, with its deep inhale of breath, ready to spin the hallucinogenic tale of their lives.

Their blatant nakedness wants to make her break out in a girlie giggle.  But she holds it in, stops it with a little finger against her lip. Shines a sophisticated womanly smile, and asks quietly, “Who are you?”  Then turns her back, walks far away.  Never looking behind, not even a thought of it.  No fighting, no running.  And her heart remains quiet within.

Three words - and they are nothing.  Ignored, to complete disintegration.  Those mutants who prowl, to destroy her beautiful world.  Slain with a question they can never answer.  For even they do not know who they are.

Her light shines, just a little brighter.

Life goes on - life lives in her.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

Well-crafted, it gives the reader an intense ride, but as flash fiction often is, it's not quite a whole mouthful. I'm always mindful of word repetition in my own work, so want to point out that, in the first paragraph, you begin two sentences in a row with "and". Please know that my comments are meant to be constructive, and are done with no intended malice.

[Suzy Hazelwood]

Yes I know, this is an old piece of mine (written nearly three years ago) it probably needs a complete rewrite to be honest. I've moved on a lot since I originality wrote this. I just haven't had the time recently to dedicate to it. I do a lot of other writing and publishing of other writers work on the internet, lately it's been taking a lot of my time away from my own writing. Thanks for pointing that out, and you are right Samuel.

[Samuel Dickens]

I know exactly what you, my having old works that need tune-ups, also.

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

Such a marvelous flash story! I am truly empowered by the protagonist who chooses light over darkness every time, who keeps on living over just surviving or dying, who challenges her enemies and never gives in to their grimness and their attempts to suck on her light and positive energy. It's this feeling within, when found, can never be broken.

[Suzy Hazelwood]

Thank you so much Nadia!! Oh yes, I've learned some hard lessons about others sucking the light out of me, they are often the most subtle ones. I thought it would be interesting to write this in a kind of fantasy realm. But all true of course! I think the trick is for your light to burn so bright it's painful for them!! ;o) So sorry for this really late reply, somehow missed replying to some of my comments. Keep your light burning Nadia!! :o)

[Blossom]

Great writing from the 'muse'!:-)
Definitely more, Suzy, but only if it weren't flash fiction. For this genre, it's just perfect.
'Their blatant nakedness' till the end is beautifully put in words.

[Suzy Hazelwood]

Thank you very much Blossom! This should be a novel really, flash fiction probably leaves the reader wondering with this one. Even I'd like to know more about her snakes and wolves!! ;o)

[Bear]

Story telling is the art of using words to transform reality and transport people into a mental image of a new reality and that is what you have done. Many a short story starts its life as just a few lines and over time grows into a full fledged novel, I can see that potentially happening here. It will interesting to see where your talents take you.

[Suzy Hazelwood]

Short stories can certainly give us ideas we would never think of otherwise. I have written a novel some time ago, but just not sure what to do with it yet. Not convinced many writers make much money out of their writing. I'm writing a novella (slowly) on Wattpad, a combination of poetry, prose and conversation in very short chapters. It will be interesting to see where that goes, because I really don't know yet, not the usual way I write, just thought I'd try something different. But that idea came from a Tumblr poetry blog. So yes, ideas can spring from small things! :o)

[Bear]

What better way to expand your writing talent than trying new form and styles. I spent year playing with different rhyming patterns, from first word rhyme in each line to middle of the line rhyming words. I like to think I learned from it and doing so improved my poetry writing. Rhyme is how I keep my fun poetry writing from turning into my serious writing, I don't want to turn my poetry hobby into work :~)

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

This is pretty cool, I like it very much. Very esoteric. Great imagery. Kept me engaged. Especially like the self assured ending, positive and dramatic.

[Suzy Hazelwood]

Thank you so much Valormore, that's very encouraging!! :o)

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmi..]

I really like your portrayal of snakes and wolves in sheep cloth. I think the comparison has been made alot but the way you explained and detailed them i think it added a new light to them. I would have loved to know more about her, but really like the piece over all. Great Job fitting such a complex story and view point in to something so short and lively. Something i have yet to master.

[Suzy Hazelwood]

It's interesting you said you would have loved to know more about her, because that's what I'm left feeling when I read this now. I wrote it a few years ago, and in two or three years, I find the way I write often changes, and then I learn a little more each time. I think I would have liked to have said more about her, but that does get difficult keeping it very short too. That's something I'm experimenting with more - poetry has taught me a lot about how little I can say and yet still convey what I intended. Sometimes I have turned a short pieces like this into a longer story...I might just do that one day.

Thank you so much for the compliment Crystal, it was an enjoyable flash fiction to write, but a difficult one to get right at times, so I really appreciate that, thank you!!♥

[Delmar Cooper]

Something about "had" takes me out of a story quickly. I understand past tense but three "had"s in the first paragraph put me off. The rest of the story moved briskly "had" free.

[Suzy Hazelwood]

You made me laugh, and how right you were - far too many!! This was written over two and half years ago, and copied early in the morning when I wasn't paying attention to any detailed editing. Thanks for pointing that out - repeat words are very distracting. There were also a lot more changes needed than a few repeat 'hads' - I think it reads a lot better now.

[Delmar Cooper]

The to be verb "had" is also a demon of the passive voice. "This writer had little use for the passive voice." or better said " I used the active voice." Mostly.

[Suzy Hazelwood]

I've written a lot of different short stories and most of them are written in the active voice, it is how I prefer to write most of the time, because it's much more powerful when reading. On this occasion I chose not to, and that's how it's going to stay.

Not sure what you mean by 'this writer' the character is not telling the story of herself, but the narrator is. I can't see what is wrong with that. If you don't like something - don't read it.

[Delmar Cooper]

Generally I don't read what I dislike, unless I am asked to by some person posting a story to get the comment of others, in this case me. And in this case you. The phrase "This writer had little use for the passive voice" is written in passive voice. The phrase " I used the active voice." is essentially the same phrase, but in the active voice. I wrote them to illustrate the difference.

Please use any voice or device that you want or need to accomplish your story goal. I won't trouble you again unless specifically asked.

[Suzy Hazelwood]

I know the difference between the passive and active voice, as do most writers, no need for demonstrations. I posted on this site as I do on many writers sites, that maybe someone might like to read it - or maybe not. I never expect anyone to read and I certainly wouldn't ask others to read anything I write and neither am I ever likely to.

[Delmar Cooper]

Oh, okay then.

[Roland Petrov]

People would much rather garner negative attention than to be ignored. A nice piece of flash fiction. There does seem to be an issue with the last line.

[Suzy Hazelwood]

Yes, some would be content with any attention - ha, not me, I'd rather have no attention than the wrong attention!

There was a " in the middle of the sentence - is that what you meant or something else? For some strange reason these - end up as " when I copy and paste work into the document. That's the first quirky annoying thing I've found on the site so far! ;o)

[Roland Petrov]

The " didn't help, but it's perfectly readable now (though personally I'd have made two sentences out of the last one or used a colon instead of a dash, but that's just a stylistic thing).

[Suzy Hazelwood]

Have made two separate sentences at the end. I did wonder if leaving them together made it less obvious. I think I didn't want it looking like it was turning into a poem at the end, but it looks okay, it reads clearer. Thanks for the useful feedback Roland! :o)