What I long for

If I was a bird, I would fly and seek freedom 

You would be right next to me, showing me the way 

Are these just dreams that are fading away? 

Wondering, if by my side you could stay 

What can I do more than hope for the best? 

While imprisoned in darkness and loneliness 

Thinking of ways to change my fate 

About to break down from all this uncertainty 

The kindness you show me draws me in 

Answer me, tell me that you'll be there for me 

Is there a glimpse of light to our path? 

Where You and I won't have to be apart

Author's Note

Might edit as I go...

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I like the way this message teeter-totters between hope & despair. I love the first stanza, with its hopeful ideas about flying, seeking freedom, & being in it together forever. I'm definitely a fan of hoping for the best, no matter how bleak life feels sometimes & you've expressed this beautifully in stanza 2. As for the final stanza, it seems to turn a little more vague, such that a reader may want to consider this as a message to a lover or to God or to whatever higher power keeps us company as we try our wings.

[Sweet]

Hello Barley ^_^ Thanks so much for reviewing this poem. Although I feel it was kinda rushed and I was supposed to keep working one it... you still managed to find good in it and think deeply into its meaning :) I really appreciate that about you.
See you around

[PaintedBirdy]

hey sweet!

the second and third paragraph drew me into this. i feel like the narrator wants the certainty that her relationship with someone is a real thing. the narrator "hopes for the best" but at the same time isn't being validated about how she feels about where the relationship is going. for me, reading this, the narrator just wants some kind of certainty about the relationship.

i like it. i like it because i can feel this emotion of the narrator, its a feeling of frustration, and i like how it's expressed. it feels honest to me. good job!

[Sweet]

Hello Garcon,
(Hope it's ok to call you garcon? I wonder if you got the word from French ?)read moreHello Garcon,
(Hope it's ok to call you garcon? I wonder if you got the word from French ?)

I really like your review, thank you ^_^
When I first read your comments, I asked myself: "was the poem that clear". Your thoughts are spot on and describe very well what the narrator wants.
I still want to work on this one, and was planning on editing it, but kinda left it on the side and kept working on others.
Thanks again, I'm glad you liked it.