Do you still love me?

Why is it all so sickening? I try and I try again to no avail. Maybe I review myself to kindly, it would be subjective of course. Just as my view of you is. Sometimes I think you hate me and I don't know what to do. I rarely feel good enough. Can I even keep up with what you are saying? Do I want to. Maybe I should go back to people I know appreciate my knowledge, to those I showed it off to. I feel so inferior here, the place I used to feel intelligent. When did it get like this. Tell me when. 

I lose myself over again to you. When did I begin to feel this insecure and why am I now so angry. What happened over all these years to make me like this. I hate the way I am. I must suck, you let me know it enough. Am I meant to say it's not my fault when I get like this. How do I begin to help myself. Who would understand this, it's sickening.