Tram lines

Lying to himself had been too easy for too long. He looked at his hands: so like his grandfather's, restless in their strength, eager to hew and saw. He wiggled his tongue: so like his father's, shy until loosened by alcohol. Without a mirror he still knew his face to be kind and forgiving like his mother's, despite his square jaw. Since achieving a pretence of independence he had thought himself a self-made man, springing whole out of his own head like an insanely incestuous Athena. Now he realised that 'to discover yourself' means that you already exist -- he had been on tram lines the whole time. He had followed his passions, forgetting that his passions were in his heart to begin with. "I was a piece of marble," he said to himself, whisky helping him talk. "And in it I found the soul of the material, the shape that was always meant to be expressed." Perhaps this is self-made enough, he thought. And then he felt shame, for other hands had worked on that marble, and he had belittled them for touching him.

Reviews

[emmajoy]

We are what we are, flaws and all and, it's the flaws that make us human, whether self.inflicted or adorned by the world in which we live. Surely? Whether we live alone or with others, thought will fly us into another place and whatever wholeness or purity we lean towards will slowly, slowly bend. It's life, not guilt.

Your writing pushes the reader.reviewer onto another level, that's always so very welcome.

[TLK]

Thank you for being willing to be 'pushed' -- it's this kind of acceptance that makes me want to keep writing.

[Adam Whitworth]

thanks for sharing this interesting poem TLK

[imstone14]

There's a rich story shining through the prose in this. It's resonating with me personally after moving from Michigan, where the Horatio Alger "self-made man" ideal is still preached, to New York, where you're thrown into a microsociety that requires coexistence and self expression.

[Katie Nimmo]

I really like how different this piece is to different works, as in this looks at flaws and not strengths. Good job.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

This also doesn't rhyme very much i think you need to practice what you preach

[TLK]

I'm sorry. You clearly meant "This also doesn't rhyme very much. I think you need to practice what you preach."

Even when rewritten for you, this point does not stand. This is because you do not know what prose poetry is.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Well whatever it is i didnt like it at all.
Wow so my spellings not perfect you understood what i meant didn't you?
My point being its not bad enough for you not to understand what i meant so yer...

[TLK]

"Well, whatever it is I didn't like it at all. Wow, so my spelling's not perfect, you understood what I meant, didn't yo? My point being is that it's not bad enough for you not to understand what I meant so yeah..."

As we can see your problem is more than spelling.
Sadly, we do get judged on our ability to communicate. This is because what humans do that other mammals do not is communicate verbally through human language. Therefore being bad at it limits your ability to seem like a developed human being.

I am sure there are people who you have mocked for their accent or dialect, indicating that you have no rebuttal to my argument.

[Rafia ~ Yellow Girl]

Write more and soon your poetic skills will be polished, because the idea going through your poem is amazing! It has a whole story which is so enjoyable for the readers.

[Nia Hope]

Wow that was really good and very different. Most people have never really thought of how all of the people that have influenced them have really shaped their lives and this definitely brings that to light. Wonderful job!

[_mal]

I adore those first three lines. I often think of the mix of pieces that come together in a person, that seem to run down in the family