INNOCENCE OF LIFE

HALF THE MORNING OUTSIDE

Early morning dark fades to a day's light.

Slowly the sun peaks its sunny height.

Chirp, Chirp. Baby birds cry aloud.  For

a mid-morn's regurgitated meal.  Another

sweet harmony of thanks, before back

to sleep.  Little creatures, older you'll

grow.  Didn't you know?

Pleasing the deer'st & her fawn, the late

night dew napped in the flower bed's

lawn.  Miles and miles of edible

foliage, a sugary eats.  Fine treats!

Rays of on set heat beamed at no shaded

scenery, away from tall leafy trees.  A 

huge camp of apples, they'd be.

Lunch time snack. Put it in a pie, my, my

o' my.  What a Saturday gone bye.

Country road a crusin', don't know why!

I'm choosing to stand, walk & stroll til

evening show.

Reviews

[Nigel Newman]

Roxanne Hi. This has some really nice imagery and phrasing. The late night dew and the flower bed's lawn. Older you'll grow - didn't you know? I am also a fan of mid-line rhyming, e.g. cruising' and choosing.

Couple of bits that look like they may be proofing oversights
- deer'st [?]
- a sugary eats [?]

Nice work!
Nigel

[Nigel Newman]

Just read a few more of yours and I'm coming to the view that you intended these exactly as written; helping to paint a picture through dialects and/or child's grammar mistakes. Apologies!

[ROXANE DORSEY]

thank i could use all the feed back. beginners luck.

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed this poem Roxane.
"I'm choosing to stand, walk & stroll til
evening show."
The above lines would be preference. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[wordman]

you painted some lovely images with your words