Paranoid

 

The late afternoon sun betrays me when it sets earlier than yesterday and I scowl at it, displaying displeasure, and pray that I will be okay as the shadows close in and envelope me in the room in which I sit; I hum the song stuck in my mind because I can’t recall the words to it. I rock back, and I rock forth for the twelve-thousandth time, and I know precisely the exact moment that I will hear the annoying melodic chime of the mantel clock that sits mocking me over the cracked old brick hearth fireplace; I laugh to myself when it dawns on me – its human qualities – two hands and a face, so now I hate it even more than I did just a moment before…I glance about the room and seek an appropriate place for its untimely doom, but it is spared by my short attention span and I put it back with a trembling hand when a knock at the door startles me so I cautiously creep to it, wanting to see who dares disturb me in my home even though I’m not busy and I am alone, it’s how I prefer things to be, you see…nobody in control of my life… except me.

 

I gaze through the peephole I carved in the door and have obligingly relied upon a thousand times before to warn me of the potential danger of the occasional salesman or wayward stranger…my well trained eye looks that way and this, and then this way and that to be sure it has not missed a single thing that could cause me ill surprise or at the very worst lead me straight to my demise. I breathe out a welcome sigh of relief, as no one’s there and the panic is only brief. I check the locks on the doors, a ritual, just in case. A burden it is, but I know if I don’t, havoc will wreak down upon this place.

 

 Each night I check the seven locks seven times before going to bed, and even then I agonize that I missed one and checked only six instead; sleep comes to me eventually, plaguing me with the strangest dreams and even though I keep a light on, I eagerly welcome the light of dawn to let me know everything is okay and I can see clearly to start my day. One by one I raise the window shades and with each moment that passes by, my nightmares slowly fade away.

 

Today, I pray, will be the day that I am finally not afraid…

Reviews

[jen -- JG]

This is a strong write Tania, and well put together. Even though you say it is from a man's point of view, it didn't strike me that way too strongly. Parania is something that happens to both sexes and both sexes would feel the same way as your character does. Even so it is extremely well done and vividly dramatic. I sort of feel as though I was spying on the person -- or watching myself in the mirror.

Well done

[Legion]

I fear the day more than the night. I can hide in the darkness. ;)

Great piece. Not sure why it is labeled a poem though.

[None]

Your title is perfect and your story unfolds perfectly and myesteriously. Being the queen of mystery that you are, you always leave one hanging and wanting more of your precious writing. Your writing pace here is in perfect unison with your -- frantic and full of paranoia-- POV narrating. I very much like the rhymes throughout. A magnificant reflection showcasing an evening with "mr. perfectly paranoid."
A hopeful ending to boot: "One by one I raise the window shades and with each moment that passes by, my nightmares slowly fade away. Today, I pray, will be the day that I am finally not afraid�"
You did so much outlining here and tell a panicky, precise tale in just a few paragraphs!

[Joseph - Michael]

No worries about the "experimenting" We all have our own ways of thinking and creating the point of views on how people would be once they lose their mind and getting ready to snap. There's an old saying; "Only The Paranoid Survive" which it's so true.

Anyway, it's great on how you described the point of views, so it's all good...

[Twisted Words (Tom)]

Very good descriptions and actions. The details you come up with amaze me... you really put yourself in some one else's body. From the peep hole to the clock to the seven locks to the ending thought, it works.

[Floating on the feather..]

Very well written...I especially like the detail work herein.
The paranoia is well depicted, the misery of the man, scared to be in the dark with his loneliness craving for sunshine to wash away his fears.

Excellent.
Shinjini

[Mark Pearce]

Tania--

I dont know that I have a very accurate concept of the character here. You say POW but this appears to be a residential setting. I guess I feel it needs more character exposition.

I'm also one who hates weighty paragraphs, so I would break up paragraph one into smaller bites.

[Champion]

Incredible. Stupendous.

You have the POV captured brilliantly. No trivialities or oversight. Just needs a growth of beard to be complete.

And aluminum on the windowpanes.

Nice work.

C

[Gary H]

Just what I was thinking as I read this. As I started reading and becoming absorbed my intial thoughts were that you have captured part of my imagination and written it down. That makes me enthusiastic to start writing something myself so thank you for the inspiration.
I'm really impressed that you have attempted this and, honestly, this is brilliant - unless that is, you have a man trapped in a room and are just watching and observing every detail of his movement......now that would make me afraid!