Frozen Moments

English assignment. "Imagine that you could stop time ... write a short story."

I let out a long yawn as I stretch my sore arms to the back. I barely slept last night and I can’t seem to get through without at least a snooze. The teacher is in mid walk to her desk after pausing her lecture to bring up a presentation on the Kamakura period. I walk down the hallway past some engineer majors who seem to have snuck into the storage room. One of the girls has her neck stuck out as if to survey for any passing administrators while the other two are caught up in a mindless smirk. I pull the surveyor out and drag her to the office and I place her bud so that it’s highly visible. Evidence is barely necessary because her smell will give her away when she finds herself sitting on the vice-principal’s desk.

I walk to the back of the main building and up behind a little hill -- a place I can call my haven. The birds are here today and the tree is stuck in it’s whispers to the wind. A good portion of the leaves have fallen and the rest are of a red-gold colour. I lay down the comforter that I grabbed from the nurse’s office and make myself comfortable in the stillness. There is no wind, there are no chirps, there are no roars from engines and there is no commotion. I can hear my heart as it pumps throughout my body and I am glad.

I am in awe of the silence, but I do not praise it. I can hear all of my thoughts quite clearly and they make me wonder. It strikes me as redundant as I realize that I am wondering about my own thoughts. I look up and I am temporarily blinded by a ray of light that made it through the leaves. These leaves are a wall, like the walls that we put up to guard our emotions and misguided fidelities to equity. That single ray of light which made it through is the one person or thing, even in our convictions of obstinacy, that we find ourselves relying on. This stillness and this loneliness is of my obstinacy, but even though I am aware it, this a place in which I can be free of reality. I can make it last as long as I want it to and I can let time begin again on my own terms. I am in control here and I find myself blithely contented.

Author's Note

Fiction.

Reviews

[blackcayne]

Interesting use of vocabulary with good description but you might want to add things like how it smelt or the feeling of grass beneath you hands (in this case) most of the narration is done from what the author (you) is thinking and not what they're feeling in terms of the environment. When feeling is put into a piece of writing it makes the reader immersed in the piece.
Perhaps it's not meant to be a story like that, if so just ignore me c:
A peaceful story, good luck

[Confuser]

It's flat; I do not like it at all. I wonder why I submitted this. I am blocking myself from truly feeling this memory. I'm very self critical and when I recalled it; I didn't like myself at all. To write anything about my brother is very hard. It's hard to go back to this time but i did remember. My thoughts of his pain came through so one reason for difficulty in expression; the other one is I don't write poems. This is new. I was two years older and my Father, me being the only girl, let me get away with murder. Guilt stinks. We were only children; but he did get me soon afterwards - he hit me in the head with a gas can and I never picked on him again. I probably could have written about what i didn't know was coming & how I changed. But thank you so much anyway.

[Tejana]

If you read the story you'd notice that I was lying on a comforter and therefore I could not have explained how the grass felt.
Thank you!

[blackcayne]

ohhhhhhhh I thought u could've felt it through the comforter but okay c:

[Confuser]

What is going on here? I wrote a poem called Frozen Moments and here I'm seeing your critique of 5 days ago; then I see you've written a story called Frozen Moments. Hey, I shouldn't have used the name Confuser, I'm but an amateur, a tiny confuser. I would never say anything critical about your story, I like it. Thank you. Bye.

[Tejana]

sorry, I should've made it a duvet instead.

[RoseHedges]

Some lines are excellent, other parts need editing or removing, sorry.

[Tejana]

Care to elaborate and/or specify?

[Eagle Cruagh]

Beautiful !
Remembering sitting in the tall grass way out on the prairie.
Large clouds silently drift across the sky, while a gentle breeze
stirs the grasses around me----- It feel like your experience-----
Just you and nature. Exquisite.
------ Eagle Cruagh

[Tejana]

Thank you so much!