Galactic Love

Passion as eternal as earth...

We lived like planets, 

Ensconced in our own gravity, 

Lonely , looming largely,

Into the vastness of empty space. 

We lived like planets, 

Ancient, Beautiful, Incomprehensible...

Slowly turning ever forward,

The gears of eternity grinds ever on.

A harsh, hot impact, 

The ground beneath us shakes,

The sweat of your body covers me,

A blessed union of celestial bodies, clear and easy to make

We lived like planets, 

Crashing into our sun.

Shooting stars twinkle,

Two become one. 

An eternal dance we share...

We lived like planets,

We passed close by, 

a whisper of connection and closeness,

before our orbit pulled us on our way again.

Author's Note

I'm really happy about this one. Please give me critical feedback. This is a diamond in the rough. Thank you.

Reviews

[RainQueen]

This is a really beaqutiful piece. you portray this image of two becoming one so very well...The visual of these planets passing, almost not connecting, then the Coming together of soul-meld...I have a hard time coming up with any improvement, but you asked:) The only thing that could possibly heighten the impact of the metaphor might be to begin the poem in the past tense (We lived like planets) changing to presnt tense in the last stanza for a contrast? I dunno, though. The repetition almost serves to highlight that itself...

Lovely work~

[Idiotekque]

This is very cool. I haven't come across a fusion of space and love; the title reminds me the Flock Of Seagulls song "Space Age Love Song". It's well written, your pacing and phrasing is nice, and I enjoyed your word choice.

Very original, very nice. Bravo.

[sharonlee]

Awe-inspiring... the dance we dance with the elements of earth & life... bravo