Ride

she asked him if he had a light
I have he said to her delight
And reached into his pocket for the flame
Her strangely dyed unnatural hair
Warned any bold enough to dare
To ask her for her number or her name
She gave his arm a thankful stroke
Then bounced a little as she spoke
I've asked six others none can help me out
My bus is overdue I'm late
I'm not quite sure how long he'll wait
Forever going by that bone jangling pout
The horror he tried to disguise
By closing up his tell tale eyes
Was felt by every soul for miles around
His hands had done the rounds to find
An emptiness that filled his mind
The promised spark was nowhere to be found
He turns on heels to stride away
The echo from her it's ok
Left every nerve end screaming for a guide
His saving grace a local shop
The standard goods for readies swap
She had a smoke while waiting for her ride

Reviews

[Lawryie Mh-Lk]

Beautifully written, loved reading your poem.
For a beginner like me, I find that write with subtility and reading your poem made me feel like reading a little story.

Thank you.

[Tepo]

Thank you Lawryie
For such kind review
Good to meet you

[Lawryie Mh-Lk]

It's my pleasure.

[Chris Shaw]

You took me there and I saw it all. So pleased the girl got her smoke. What a considerate guy you are. Nice little story you have captured here. Liking your use of rhyme and your work flows well. Good job Tepo.

Chris

[Tepo]

Thank you very much Chris
What could I do?
Extremely grateful for such support
Ta
Stevie

[barleygirl]

Your writing is so fresh & unique. There's nothing else being done like this anywhere I've been reading! I love how you take us on a ride as this lady waits for a ride. I love how you build suspense & pressure, as if we feel the guilt this guy might be feeling, not wanting to be the seventh dude to turn her down, but hey! Ya gotta do what ya gotta do! Amazing how you scratch out a storytelling trajectory with a ton of sensation along the way (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Tepo]

Margie
I'll be first to admit it is difficult to get a read on someone through what they write
However
You have always been so encouraging and inspiring with your reviews
Not just to myself
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you
You obviously have a passion for writing
It is matched by your passion for people
I am sure im not alone in being extremely grateful for your time and insight
Cheers

[barleygirl]

WOW! Thank you for the uplifting kudos! *smile*

[Helen]

I love the fun of this poem and the way you carry a story about a small thing (asking for a light) through to the end with all sorts of emotions along the way - but a happy ending. I think the poem is about his feelings around her, but I also enjoyed the poem because I so identify with being at the bus stop and needing a light! I haven't smoked now for around 18 years, but I look back on that version of me with a fondness that your poem captured for me. I'm glad it was a happy ending!

[Tepo]

thank you Helen
Aye
You're bang on
Just a bit of fun
It did happen though