Lonely Paradise

I wrote this some time ago to remind myself that I need to keep moving forward in life.

On a late summer day, I lay quietly in a hammock by a lake surrounded by tall pine trees and wide maples. I do not stir anymore then to turn the page of my book or to unconsciously run my fingers through my shaggy, red hair. Reading my precious book I laugh and smirk with pleasure thinking this is the life, never having to worry well I enjoy the peace, my books, and the fresh air. By the time I finished and closed the book the sunlight was beginning to die away to give life to a fresh night. I set the book on the ground below me then put my hands under my head and laced my fingers together as I waited for the stars and moon to dominate the skies above. As I watched the day die at the hands of the night I allow my mind wonder: first on the story I had just finished then to simple dreams and wonders, then I suddenly questioned my paradise here without realizing it right away. When I caught myself, I wondered why I would think to question it and that is when I realized I was not completely content with what I already had. I was still missing something and without it my paradise was a lie. Troubled by this I looked away from the bright, triumphant stars and began to think hard about what it was that prevented me from enjoying myself. Looking back to my previous thoughts and daydreams I finally noticed the consistency in them all; something that was always there but never here, something that made my dreams complete. The thing I lacked that nothing else could replace was companionship! I was lonely. With that realization my heart became weighted and sad, so I began to ponder what I could do about it. After some time I came to understand that I would have to leave behind my paradise to find what I want to fill the gap in my heart. Of course I also realized that even after finding myself someone I can be with I will not be able to return to my paradise... not for a very long time anyway because my paradise will likely not be theirs. Knowing this I had to choose between the two. As much as I wanted to stay here, I knew the loneliness would tarnish the bliss and all would fall apart. I decided to abandon it all and risk all the countless pains I will likely encounter just to find a friend, a lover, and maybe even a family so that I will never be lonely again. So I stood, turned my back to paradise, and walked away with my readiness to find a new happiness. I felt little regret about letting paradise go, I would be able to glimpse it every now and then though I could never stay.