The Dilemma

You start writing again, I publish something I've been scared to expose for over a year. Your move, Muse ;-*

The Dilemma

The existence of the mind

Is nothing but unfortunate

Our lives had been planned for us

Since long before we arrived

By our parents, and by fate.

 

So what use is it to decide

Whether we are happy

With the plan, or not?

It’s not up to us to control it.

And yet, its deed is in our names.

 

Why dream, if they can’t be realized?

Why must we be given false hope?

If there is a conscience in me,

Why did it not guide me in time

Instead of telling me to blindly follow

And later, leaving me with regret?

Why?

 

There are so many things that

I wish I hadn’t done in life.

If this is my state at age 16,

What will happen in the years to come?

Which part of my life do I look back on

And say, “Those were the time…”?

 

We are forced to listen to

Our Needs over our Wants.

Bound to seeking methods of survival

And ignoring our desires-

Ones which make us feel ALIVE

 

In the end, we are left losing

What were once our true virtues

And still not getting any better

At what we chose instead.

At what we have been putting

ALL our time into for such a long time…

And then we realize

Just how empty our lives really are.

 

I was supposed to be a legend.

My name was supposed to be big.

But legends start young-

Possibly around the age of 3.

My only memory of being 3 years old

Is when a director wanted to cast me

But my parents said no to his face.

Saying, it would distract me from studies.

 

But I still remember how

No one noticed my change of color

One minute I was glowing

The next, my face was grave.

I was a good little girl.

I knew only that my parents knew best.

And that I was never to question their judgment.

But how much longer should I stay silent?

Two more years, till I am independent?

 

But what exactly does that mean

For a girl in this region of the world?

Living alone in the city

Is equivalent to prostitution in others’ eyes

A female driver is necessarily a bad one.

If I want to leave my parents,

I have to find a husband.

And that just opens up

Another thousand doors of complaints.

 

Such a mamma’s boy! We must live with his parents.

Under their judgmental noses, and their watchful eyes.

I will never be as good a cook as his mother.

My customs will always be wrong.

But that will be a small fraction

Of the criticism I will receive.

 

My guidance counselor says

I’m reading far too ahead.

All of this still has

More than 10 years to come!

And true, while I have been contemplating,

The valuable time I had, I have lost…

 

But it is not just me, I know.

We all have fears. Most fear theirs.

And hide them in corners of their consciousness.

 

I am lost whenever I open

My mind to such horrors,

Each night, my pillow

Is flooded with tears

One thing I know I need

Is a selfless soul,

One who will be willing to comfort me.

 

But one such soul, could only be a human.

Another one like me.

And to ask one to be so selfless would be selfish

As they too have problems of their own.

And that sheds light on the fact

That we are all a mass of wandering souls

All waiting to be held tight

So we can cry our hearts out

Until the pain is gone, we’re tired,

And this Angel will put us to sleep.

 

And then I miss those times

When I was just a child

For who else can support like a mother can?

But I have tried talking to her

          My problems are far more complicated

Than a simple “booboo” on my finger

She no longer understands

Or I no longer fully know how to express

 

Truly, this transition period

Of going from being a child to a woman

Is oh so painful!

One starts to question

The simplest things

 

I cannot even tell if these

Are my true feelings

Or if I’m just running in fear

Like I have been doing

Since my aunt died and I

Understood the gravity of death

 

I am no longer a child

But I am yet to be a woman

Now I see my curiosity

Of what goes on in a cocoon

Is being answered to me

The hard way.

Author's Note

I wrote this a year and a half ago. I've only showed it to one friend, before. She got so depressed after reading it, that I didn't want another soul to have their spirits bought down like that, again :P But I've had my time to accept some of these issues, and to take action against others.

Reviews

[Leigh]

It could be argued that no one can be truly self aware, because if we could be we could improve our lives beyond measure, so by staying in a state of delusion we are at the mercy of fate and other outside forces, just a thought. I do think this is a bit sad and you limiting your options at a young age, Ive seen your writing, its very good and I'd like to see more.

[Blue Ivory]

Thanks, that means a lot.

[SHEEMA HUQ]

Writing poetry is indeed a way t counter depression and you have divulged your stream of thoughts very clearly. A powerful piece.

[MoriartyMesa]

You write this in pain, yet your still standing. I would say that is what a writer should do. Be strong and be who the Gods know you can be.

[Mark]

I can relate to this. I am a white .ale in the USA so my options were far more varied than what you pen here. Still I remember beinv young and unsure what I wanted who I was where I should and would go with my life. I can only say looking back that the things I regret afe the things I didn't do, the fears and conventions that held me back. I let them stop me and convinced myself I was being 'realistic'. If there is one piece of advice I would offer to a young person it is never let being realistic determine your decision.

[Blue Ivory]

That's really good advice. Thank you, I was waiting to see how many people would tell me that.

[Leslie Philibert]

a sad, introspectiove poem, written with care, honest, nice job..

[Anand Sehgal]

Do not give in to destiny. Destiny leads , yet you have the right to create your own virtual entity . :)

[Muse]

I don't want to depress you, but this dilemma never goes away. Even with correct choices made, I think it's natural for humans to always wonder if there is something better. I do believe that through age and maturity some of us eventually learn that we need to be selfless in giving, and in return we will receive blessings in life that will hopefully fill our sense of self worth. I think it's difficult too to be female, we have all these damn stigmas and beliefs of what a girl and/or woman "should do" to be considered an acceptable daughter...wife...mother.

If I can shed any light on this it would be this: I do believe in a God, through all my trials and tribulations I have seen too many miracles to accept an atheist point of view that we are all just a mistake. Some freak outcome after a big bang. No my gut tells me otherwise.

True self-worth is projected on how many smiles we can stimulate...the feeling the sharing and caring.
Fate is just our spirit guide, an intelligent energy that provides us with free will, yet holds our hand so that we don't fall too hard when a wrong decision is made. With that said...fate does not decide our destiny....fate is just a helping hand. I believe we are animated by the same collective life energy. I think my goal in life is to tap into this energy and make the most of it....this energy has no limitation. We can be boundless and fearless if we choose to be. But some fear this power, that's why social norms are created, to keep people from dreaming too large.

[Blue Ivory]

Maybe some day, I will reach your level of enlightenment. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. Quite frankly, I don't really feel this way anymore. Maybe that's why I wasn't so scared to share this. I've shut myself off to doubts. Right now, I'm determined to follow my heart no matter what, and I'm trying to rebuild who I am. You and Heaven have a lot of credit in that. So, thank you :)

[Muse]

I don't want to depress you, but this dilemma never goes away. Even with correct choices made, I think it's natural for humans to always wonder if there is something better. I do believe that through age and maturity some of us eventually learn that we need to be selfless in giving, and in return we will receive blessings in life that will hopefully fill sense of self worth. I think it's difficult too to be female, we have all these damn stigmas and beliefs of what a girl and/or woman "should do" to be considered an acceptable daughter...wife...mother.

If I can shed any light on this it would be this: I do believe in a God, through all my trials and tribulations I have seen too many miracles to accept an atheist point of view that we are all just a mistake. Some freak outcome after a big bang. No my gut tells me otherwise.

True self-worth is projected on how many smiles we can stimulate...the feeling the sharing and caring.
Fate is just our spirit guide, an intelligent energy that provides us with free will, yet holds our hand so that we don't fall too hard when a wrong decision is made. With that said...fate does not decide our destiny....fate is just a helping hand. I believe we are animated by the same collective life energy. I think my goal in life is to tap into this energy and make the most of it....this energy has no limitation. We can be boundless and fearless if we choose to be. But some fear this power, that's why social norms are created, to keep people from dreaming too large.

[Muse]

I don't want to depress you, but this dilemma never goes away. Even with correct choices made, I think it's natural for humans always wonder if there is something better. I do believe that through age and maturity some of us eventually learn that we need to be selfless in giving, and in return we will receive blessings in life that will hopefully fill sense of self worth. I think it's difficult too to be female, we have all these damn stigmas and beliefs of what a girl and/or woman "should do" to be considered an acceptable daughter...wife...mother.

If I can shed any light on this it would be this: I do believe in a God, through all my trials and tribulations I have seen too many miracles to accept an atheist point of view that we are all just a mistake. Some freak outcome after a big bang. No my gut tells me otherwise.

True self-worth is projected on how many smiles we can stimulate...the feeling the sharing and caring.
Fate is just our spirit guide, an intelligent energy that provides us with free will, yet holds our hand so that we don't fall too hard when a wrong decision is made. With that said...fate does not decide our destiny....fate is just a helping hand. I believe we are animated by the same collective life energy. I think my goal in life is to tap into this energy and make the most of it....this energy has no limitation. We can be boundless and fearless if we choose to be. But some fear this power, that's why social norms are created, to keep people from dreaming too large.

[Stevo The POE-t]

Really great job here... I really enjoyed reading it... Thanks for sharing...