Shining Eyes

I see your eyes shining.

My heart is overwhelmed 

skipping a step

jumping up and down

leaving a tingle 

in my fingers.

I reach for your face

wanting to feel

your warmth again

radiating through my hands

pushing out the cold.

I look into your eyes.

I can't feel you

or hear your breath

or feel your tears

because it's not real

anymore.

I try grabbing for you

because you're 

the only person

that ever kept me

glued together.

I stare beyond your eyes.

All I feel is glossy paper

and then I think back

and remember

every moment

that led up to now.

Then I remember

that you're gone.

Author's Note

Honestly, I came up with this just because I felt like writing anything but I just didn't quite have a solid topic! Anyways, tell me what you think!

Reviews

[EloisaWrites]

I felt that the first line meant that those eyes were shining but not for the narrator anymore. It is so sad since the beginning. I think that it is a lovely and heartbreaking poem. :)

[Sami Khalil]

This was a glowing and shinning poem...Thank you for penning...:)..................

[RealistMe]

Sorry for being so late at critiquing this poem. Nice job on creating a sad tone to Shining Eyes. You must remember to stay with past and present tenses. When you're writing in present tense, it needs to be in present tense. When you're writing in past tense, it needs to be in past tense. This is what I would change about it, regarding the wording:

"I see your eyes shining.
My heart is overwhelmed
skipping a step
jumping up and down
leaving a tingle
in my fingers.

I reach for your face
wanting to feel
your warmth again
radiating through my hands
pushing out the cold.

I look into your eyes.
I can't feel you
or your tears
or hear your breath
because they're not real
anymore.

I try grabbing you
because you're
the only person
who ever keeps me
glued together.

I stare beyond your eyes.
All I feel is glossy paper.
Then I think back
and remember
every moment
that led up to now.

I remember
that you're gone."

[TheLoneWriter]

First of all, thank you so much for your review! I honestly didn't even realize that mistake (I wrote this really late haha) but thank you so much I will definitely edit this peace when I get the chance! Thank you so much! It's great to have a way that great writers like yourself can review my writings!

[RealistMe]

Thank you and you're welcome! It's always great to have more than 1 opinion, whenever writing something. Even the most famous writers make mistakes. :)

[Jared Michael Smith]

This poem was EXTREMELY sensual, and I think that's what makes it work so excellently. I could see and feel the whole thing panning out before me as I read, and I completely enjoyed it! The bittersweet ending makes it all the more real, and ices the cake you have already so fabulously baked. Very good work, indeed! :D

[TheLoneWriter]

Thank You so much! Your words mean so much to me! To have a great writer like you commenting on my pieces just makes my day! Thank you!

[Jared Michael Smith]

Well, you're very welcome! But I wouldn't exactly call myself a "great writer". There are so many more out there who are way better, but I'm thankful for the compliment. :)

[TheLoneWriter]

Well you are definitely inspirational to young writers, like myself!

[Jared Michael Smith]

Trust me, I'm probably as young or younger than you, but thanks. :-)