i was leaving hollow echoes

i was leaving hollow echoes in the streets of a poem you wrote

of burdens from worn brogues in rhymes that burn like cheap whisky

in my throat failing to ever cease the effects your poetry connotes

and your surreal urban scene descended like a dream all around me

your characters were as threaded as seams from an overlock machine

and i witnessed them carving out whispers over their collars and cuffs

back behind the old laundromat huddled over barrels, urban fire gleam

and the smoke strung out in curls before it rose and dissipated its tufts

i had to stop walking - take time to perceive what did your words mean

their faces were no longer just blurs hidden behind panes of clouded glass 

no, now they were as familiar as yesterday's news and no longer a dream

i felt stoned and feared to be hallucinating out of a trip from the past

but alas here i was - i could feel my furrowed face being searched by my hands

looking for a time before you penned these worried letters to my mind

in acquisition i created a search to find myself in a way i was certain to understand

but instead arrested your poems now searching restitution for their crime

and wondering if i would ever meet you this side of the gas works wall

or would our spirits never traverse beyond our eloquent terms teasing

and the screams that navigate the alleys of my mind be barely susurration

unless i concede and unravel the threads of our time never ceasing

Reviews

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

Well, Hello Mr. Walker! I am just flabbergasted ....that I was right...not that I am right minded but that I knew ....without knowing but I am sure you already knew that and with an assured giggle--well maybe not a giggle...men snicker, yes? BUT Oh! how you can turn a word and how the sights melt on the chalked sidewalk.....I don't know if i dare to walk farther in....CONCEPTION! The stirrings have been birthed....

[Jack...]

X, this is a kaliedescope of words, ever changing to new beautiful forms with each spin of the verse. My friend, your style it is unique. You take a piece of wood and you carve with precision until the end result sits before us as we stare in awe. Very cool my friend.

[m.s.early]

Jack... this is truly humbling. Thank you so much for these gracious words. :)

[Claire in VA]

I like it. Very complex.
Lots of imagery.
~Claire in VA

[m.s.early]

(: thank you claire :)

[KAOlmsted]

I know we don't know one another yet, and you have no earthly idea what high honor I am about to bestow upon you when I give you the coveted "Holy cats, dude" review, but holy cats, dude...suffice to say, you're going on my short list.

-kimmer

[m.s.early]

(: i get the "Holy cats, dude" review? wow! this accolade goes at the top of mine achieved. :)

[KAOlmsted]

...damn skippy ;-) And my pleasure...

[lee von cleef]

Casey, "A good roper can rope with any rope",Punctuation be dammed,
Let the critics clear their heads ,
sweep all till
just crickets twinkle light from distant stars,
the creekwater coffee floats thoughts on camp fire
swirls, smoke waters their eyes and together,
limber locks of heavens hair cascade
our walk back to the
Tobacco barn.

[m.s.early]

(: thank you lee. "punctuation be damned", indeed. :)

[DaughterNature]

I think this has a lot of good moments in it, but you may have gotten lost in your own great ideas! This piece includes imagery of alcohol, drugs, urbanity, machinery, physical self, the legal/judicial/criminal system, physics (event horizon), spirituality, and time. While I like the flow and the meaning you're trying to communicate, maybe pick a few kinds of imagery and stick to those? Urbanity seems to be very strong in the poem already, and I know a lot of the themes I mentioned could be called sub-types of urbanity, but maybe try condensing the imagery. Also, is there a reason the i's are not capitalized, and you use commas but no other punctuation?

[m.s.early]

i don't know which image would be best left out. it would be looking at my hand and deciding which digit to get rid of.

as far as punctuation, i'll claim poetic licensing :)

[Mockingbird]

i don't understand the fourth stanza

[m.s.early]

but alas here i was - i could feel my furrowed face being searched by my hands
looking for a time before you penned these worried letters to my mind
in acquisition i created a search to find myself in a way i was certain to understand
but instead arrested your poems now searching restitution for their crime

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

my best attempt to relating the human condition of insanity is to an acid trip. there were times that everything was so surreal i would touch my face to see if i was still real. you know the old cliche' "i had to pinch myself"... that sort of thing

it was the poem that induced this experience so he's searching himself back when he was just a poet and not the poem.

he initially read the poem for the same reason he reads all poems and the same reason he writes. to realize himself, however by the last line he may be regretting that. the word "crime" presents a dark connotation i suppose, but i meant it as though it was an action that had consequences and dues that would be tendered.

[Mockingbird]

...but instead arrested your poems now searching for restitution for their crime...that's so satiric. your poem is complex on so many levels. like that multi-level chess game they had on star trek next generation. it's like you think in ten different dimensions at once and they all converge with your pen.

[m.s.early]

mockingbird, even your reviews are poetic. how gracious. this has been the most funnest conversation i've had on this site yet. you have an open invitation :) :) :)

[Mockingbird]

seeing it from a different perspective with your acid seeds, it makes everything seem grotesque to the person on this trip. also it can be disturbing as well. in what recesses of your mind did
you wander off to.

[m.s.early]

that is another poem altogether... let's just say i understand areas of my consciousness exist that i am not mature enough to explore. i will never intentionally hallucinate ever again.

[Mockingbird]

love the laundromat scene. conveyed the desolation of the human condition. was allegorical throughout. evoked emotions one doesn't want to face. i don't know what i'm saying xavier.

[Mockingbird]

i found this one to be eerie and dark. conveys despair and desperation. a man haunted and tormented. feels a connection with some phantom writer through their poem. became a part of the poem. it's as though the narrator experienced a cathartic moment.

[m.s.early]

catharsis is dead on. i didn't intend to imply despair or desperation, but i suppose that would be only natural considering the circumstances.

i had a conversation with a friend about art and the artist being indistinguishable at times, and this is how i thought it would be if a poet would actually "become" a poem. i imagine it akin to a man realizing he's irreversibly crossed the line of insanity.

definitely a "bad trip"...

[Mockingbird]

so you're saying becoming indistinguishable with art is a bad thing and it's a line you shouldn't cross.

[m.s.early]

not necessarily a bad thing... i suppose terror is in the eye of the beholder...

[m.s.early]

i'd also suppose it could be based on what the poem was since it was specifically "becoming" that particular poem and not "art" in general. if i incorporate the "hallucinating" idea, the trip that results after quiet harmonious meditation is usually much more enjoyable than one experienced in an unbalanced and anxious state. (not that i would know lol)

[Frieda P]

Such gorgeous hush'd murmurings here xavier...you had me at the first two lines

i was leaving hollow echoes in the streets of a poem you wrote
of burdens from worn brogues in rhymes that burn like cheap whisky

And wrapped me up with the last two....

and the screams that navigate the alleys of my mind be barely susurration
unless i concede and unravel the threads of our time never ceasing

I could read this many times over, it's so lovely....

[m.s.early]

(: thank you very much for your gracious review sweet poet. all of your poems are gorgeously written so this means a lot :)

[Frieda P]

The pleasure was all mine, I love your story within your poetry...really enjoy'd this one. :-)