No one cares about Chris.

No one cares about Chris. Chris finds this hard.

No one cares about Chris

 

The scene is of a field as far as the eye can see. On the left side of the scene it is day time and sunny, whereas on the right side of the screen it is night and rainy.  A boy is wearing headphones standing in the middle of the field just beyond the boundary in the dark side, queens of the stone age is playing. A girl walks onto the screen, headphones trailing on the floor behind her. She stops stood next to the boy, and then she picks up her headphones, and puts them on.  She remains in the bright side.

 

 Girl: Your text. Wasn’t expecting that. Not from you. You really want to do it then. Probably best, no one really cares. I don’t think anyone would even notice. Id ask have you seen Chris, and they would say “yeh, how mental was his party” and then I would respond “the other one”. They would then just look at me confused for several seconds, and then a look of achievement would flash across there face and they would say, “oh, that kid… No sorry.”

 

(Chris does not react, and the girl doesn’t say anything for a while, but then starts again with a second thought)

 

Girl: Bet your mum wouldn’t care either, she’d be glad your gone, finally she could go back to living life without her weird kid that spends way to much money on s**t music, and always seems depressed. She wouldn’t say ‘s**t’ though, hates to swear that women. Always thought she was odd.

 Haley would care, but Haley’s a dog. How does it feel for the person who loves you most, pees on stuff to mark its territory?

You don’t have anything going for you either, not good at maths, English or anything else. You got a B in history that one time, which was all right. So you’re not going to be successful. And I’m not going to lie to you Chris your average looking at most, and 80% of the time you smell like a wet blanket covered in bird crap. Id be surprised if anyone ever fell in love with you. So no kids for you. To be honest, you’d be kidding yourself if you thought staying alive was even worth it. Because its not, and it never will be. Not for you anyway.

 

Girl: Was I close?

 

Chris: Close enough.

 

Girl: Lets get you home then.

 

She takes his hand, and takes Chris off screen, in the direction she had come from at the beginning. The music gets softer until it’s barely audible, however the camera remains on the field where they were standing. Then the music begins to get louder again; Chris walks onto the screen on his own, and then leaves in the other direction, into the dark. 

Author's Note

Say what you feel.

Reviews

[MicChupa]

I would put the characters names in formatted lines before they speak, makes it much easier to understand the dialogue. For example.

Joe: I need to buy some donuts!

Deborah: Stop buying donuts you fat f**k! Go get a job!

You also have a few spelling errors like "there" should be their. Otherwise, I'm interested in the concept! Keep going and evolving it! Make it awesome!

[T.Langham]

Thanks, i will make the corrections.

[T.Langham]

Also, do you think I should continue with this adding extra scenes, or do you think it is better as a stand alone piece. Thanks again for the feedback.
T.L

[MicChupa]

If you think it stands better as a narrative being stand alone like this, leave it. But if you think it will benefit from more content, go for it.

[T.Langham]

Thanks, I'll think about it.