Short Story: Eye Catching

Short Story: Eye Catching

A Story by Ton'e Brown

Short short about eye catching attraction.


Eye Catching


 Writing by Author: Ton'e Brown (Hayden Publishing Inc©)


A beautiful woman is standing at the coffee shop counter waiting on her order. She was stunning to the eye, dressed in a casual spaghetti T-top in a pair of black narrow leg jeans and a pair of high knee boots that gave a beautiful shape to her legs.


At a corner table in the coffee shop sat a young man working intensely on his computer, surrounded by stacks of paper, with his head deep into his work and wasn’t prepared for the unexpected encounter of meeting the woman of his dreams.


Beautiful Woman Scene:


The beautiful woman was at the counter placing her order, as she gave her order she stepped aside to let people behind her in line place their order and found herself looking at her surroundings and checking out the people. She saw a young man who caught her eye that was sitting at a table in the far corner of the restaurant. She maneuvered around the people in line trying to get a good glimpse of him. She slowly took steps to the side, looking between people, watching him and admiring from a distance. Intrigued; she was so into trying to see him, she didn’t hear when her order was ready. She didn’t want to seem obvious, so she stepped around the corner of the register and grabbed napkins. When she stepped behind the register, she no longer had a visual of the young man at the table, when she grabbed her napkins and attempted to get back in line, there was an arrow pointing in a direction that wouldn’t allow her to go back in line and she had to walk completely around the entire coffee station. She walked by several tables to get back in line for her order, also passing the corner table where the  man she was trying to see had been sitting. However, a group of people who were trying to take a seat at a nearby table prevented her from being able to see the young man. A waiter was standing in view of the table and she was unable to see the face of the man. By the time she made her way around the napkin stand and past several people in the dinning area to the counter for her order, the young man was gone from his table. She looked around to see if he was still inside the coffee shop, but didn’t see him. She walked back to the counter to pick up her coffee order. She considered asking the waiter who the man was at the far corner table, but felt too embarrassed to ask. She walked up to the waiter, stood next to him and when he turned seeing her beside him he asked, “Can I help you with something?”  She hesitated, realizing she missed her chance. She shook her head no and walked towards the exit door of the coffee shop. Before walking out of the coffee shop, she decided to go to the ladies room. While she was in the ladies room, she began fussing at herself in the mirror about how she really wanted to meet this guy and get to know him.


 Beautiful woman mirror conversation:


 Oh my goodness, he was really handsome. I can’t believe I missed out on getting a closer view of him. (She stares into the mirror) You could have done better and figured out a way to accidentally bump into him or something. (She pouts) Now I may never see him again. (She makes a face in the mirror and points at her self in an animated jester)

            You slipping girl...


Another woman walked in and she immediately walked out the restroom embarrassed wondering if she heard her conversation with her self. On her way out the coffee shop exit door, she was deep within her thoughts and she had her head down, not paying attention to were she was going and bumped into some guy. She dropped her cup. The young man immediately apologized and bends over to pick up her coffee cup. She stood tapping her shoe on the ground. She was already disappointed that the man she wanted to meet got away and was annoyed. Now she just lost her coffee because some jerk wasn’t looking were he was walking.


 Computer Man Scene:


When he lifted his coffee cup to take a sip, he looked over to the counter, he peeped over his eye glasses, adjusts them to get a clear view and when his eyes came into focus, he paused. He lost all thought to what he was doing; he sat up and leaned back in his seat watching the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He tried to take a sip of his coffee at the same time of keeping his eyes on her, he missed his mouth and spilled hot coffee on himself. He looked down, to wipe the coffee off his lap and began looking around for the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. When he looked up, she had disappeared; he jumped up leaving everything at the table, running to the counter area looking around to see if she had walked out the door. He was so anxious to meet her; he looked right past her and stood at the counter looking at each person standing in line. (The beautiful woman was at the side of the counter grabbing napkins.) He stood by the counter hoping she would come back.


He excused himself as he walked through several people who were in line, until he was able to get around to the side where the napkins and condiments were, but she wasn’t there and he had to walk around the restaurant because of the one way arrow sign that said “DO NOT ENTER”. He followed the arrow signs leading him back to the front of the coffee shop. As he maneuvered between several tables, he had to repeatedly excuse himself as he bumped several people that were sitting at tables. When he finally made it through the tables and the groups of people, he noticed the waiter at his table and walked over to make sure he didn’t remove his items. He was about to sit down when he thought he saw her at the counter again and told the waiter he will be coming right back. He moved as quickly as he could to get to the counter, but by the time he got there, she was gone again. He stepped outside the door looking up and down the street to see if he could catch an image of her. He was determined to find her and meet her. He was frustrated that he missed out on a chance to meet the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He decided to go back into the coffee shop. When he turned around, his body bumped someone and their coffee dropped to the ground. Never giving eye contact, he immediately started apologizing, bending over trying to help pick up the coffee cup off the ground. He notices the legs beautifully shaped in boots, leading up the thigh in fitted jeans and his mouth is left hanging as his eyes moves upward. He slowly stood up, checking every curve of her body. As he straightened his body, he looked at her face and it was the beautiful woman standing right in front of him. He was at a loss for words, he stared at her, it seemed like an eternity, when it was only seconds and he just stood there, unable to speak.



The beautiful woman told the young man she was fine, that she was ok and said, “The coffee didn’t spill on me, I only dropped it.” She stood watching him as he leaned over to pick up her coffee cup, waiting for him to stand up and to thank him. As he was standing up, she felt his eyes viewing every inch of her body and she started to tap her foot until he was face to face with her. Her thoughts were, “Here is another man caught up in my looks”, (Whispering to her self) but when he stood up and she looked directly in his eyes, she stood speechless.



Both, now standing before one another, staring, still no words and moments went by before a sound came from either of their mouths. In a squeaky voice tone, the young man said, “Hello” clears his throat (Pounding his chest with his fist) and repeats more clearly, “Hello”.


The beautiful woman smiles, before she could respond, the young man spoke up and started apologizing again about the coffee. His eyes were gleaming with delight. He was smiling from ear to ear.


She stood frozen in place, surprised to see him. A gust of wind blew and she smelled his fragrance. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and inhaled enjoying the scent of his cologne. Her face was flushed; she turned her head to keep him from seeing her face and tried to regain her composure. She wanted to get a good look at him without him noticing, so while he was talking, she kept nodding her head, looking him up and down. She thanked him again and told him it was no big deal about the coffee. Before they were able to begin a conversation, a friend called out to the computer man, who briefly took his attention away from her. He turned his head towards his friend, shaking his hand and they began to talk. The computer man was trying to rush his friend off so he could continue getting to know the beautiful woman he just met, but when he turned, she had walked off. He was trying not to be rude to his friend and listened for a moment, but soon interrupting him to explain he had to get back to his table where he had left his computer sitting out.


Computer man: It was good seeing you.

Friend: Same brother (Shaking hands)


The computer man was disappointed the beautiful woman had walked away, he really wanted a chance to get to know her. It surprised him that she had left. He turned to go back into the coffee shop and walked around to see if maybe she was inside, but no luck. He figured he missed his chance. He went back to his table to make sure his items were still there and sat own. Suddenly, he noticed she was in line again and made his way back in line and walked up behind her.


The beautiful woman placed another order for coffee and when she was about to hand the cashier the money to pay for it, the computer man reached from behind her and handed cash to the cashier and said, “I got this”. The beautiful woman turned around and when she saw it was him, she smiled. 


Computer man: Care to join me?

Beautiful woman: Yes…


The computer man pays for her coffee and directs her to his table. He steps back to allow her to sit and then takes a seat, moving his computer and stacks of paper to his briefcase. They sat for hours talking getting to know one another, when they noticed how long they had been talking, she said she needed to get going and he offered to walk her to her car.


They gathered their things, paid the waiter and laid a tip on the table. As they walked out of the coffee shop, he grabs the door to allow her to walk out before him. They stroll down the street and he took a chance to reach for her hand and she allowed him to hold her hand as they walked. He asked if they could hang out a little longer, he was really enjoying their time together. She agreed, they crossed the street where there was a park bench, where they sat and talked more. When it started to get really late and the sky darkened, they realized it was time for the night to end. They left the bench, hand in hand and walked to the parking lot.


The Computer man placed his items in his car that happened to be parked next to hers and asked if they could exchange phone numbers. She pulled out her cell phone and asked for his number. She typed each digit as he spoke them out; she gave him a girlish smile, looking at her phone and pressed send. His phone rang, he answered it, smiling at her and said, "Hello…..”  He held on to the phone with her on the line and never hung up. They continued their conversation talking on the phone even while standing in the presence of one another. He held the phone to his ear smiling, asking, “May I get the door for you?” reaching with his other hand to open her car door. She puts the phone to her ear and looks in his eyes and says, “Thank you” then steps into her car. He closes the door, watching her every move as she adjust her seat and starts her car. She rolls her window down and puts the phone back to her ear and says, “Talk me home” he smiles and says, “Well, of course”  he backs away from her car with the phone on his ear and watches as she pulls off.


He carries the phone on his ear as he walks to get in his car, he starts to talk to her, “I am in my car now”.  He starts the car and pulls off the parking lot. When he pulled out, he saw she was waiting for him to follow behind her and they carried a conversation all the way home. They held the phones while they walk into their homes, once in the house; they both take their cell phones and plug them on a charger. He sits on his couch, throws a couch blanket over him and gets comfortable. She goes to her bedroom, curls up with her pillow, lays the phone next to her and turns the speaker up. (Dual screen) They lay there talking until they both fall asleep.


Author Ton’e Brown

© 2011 Ton'e Brown

Author's Note

Ton'e Brown
This to be made into a short film and want to turn into a screen play.

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Ton'e Brown
Ton'e Brown

Atlanta, GA

Originally a mid-western girl who grew up in Indianapolis Indiana. Later relocated to Atlanta, Georgia. Afer 16 years, she is considered a true native Georgian Peach, were she ventured a new path of s.. more..