The Winter Festival

This is a short story that i might work more on but this is what i have so far.

The year was 1693 and Yukino were on her way to the biggest event of her life, The Winter Festival. She had put her hair up in a pink silk ribbon whit Sakura flowers as decorations, her skin fare and pale while her lips were the same shade as a sakura flower in mid bloom. Yukino were 18 this year and would be the Festival's Snow Queen, she had been so excited for this moment she could barley sleep at night. Her Mother had made her a beautiful white Kimono whit silver design, the first time Yukino had seen it she could barely believe it. Yukino and her family had never been of the wealthy kind so to see her mother spend so much on a Kimono for her made her feel like Royalty.

As Yukino moved trough the snow on her way toward the Festival she sang gently to her self, It was a song her mother had thought her while growing up that meant allot to those who knew what it was like to grow up in war.

"rare beauty in the North...

She's the finest lady on earth

A glance from her, the city falls

A second glance leaves the whole nation in ruins

There is no city or nation that has been

More cherished than a beauty like this"

She sang gently as she noticed as she were coming closer to the bridge, the water under the brige had a thin layer of ice and the lights from the Festival aria were glimmering lightly. As she made her way over the bridge she heard horses coming from behind her and she turned to see 3 army men ride toward her, She guessed they were going to the Festival as well and tried to make room for them on the narrow bridge. Tough as the last solder made it past her she herd a crack as the fell back, Everything happened fast and all was a blur around her before she went through the thin layer of ice. The water was cold as she felt her self snick toward the bottom, her hand reaching out for the lights on the surface as she kept sinking. ~Is this is it.... Is this how I die...In the cold water alone~ she thought as the last bubble of breath left her mouth toward the surface, and her eyes closed.

Reviews

[Ashle]

the ending is really a...well somehow a cliffhanger, in my opinion, and I like that. You've used very poetic words to describe this story! So, It would be good, if you would keep writing.
But I always try to say the good part and the mistakes, too.
So, first of all, "a lot" are 2 words, and not one.
And now, the verb "to be", at past simple is:
I was
You were
He, she was
We were
You were
They were
So, the sentence "Yukino were on her way" should be "Yukino was on her way", since your are talking about someone on the 3rd person.

Hope you didn't take it as a critique, but an advise!

[TKJules]

You obviously are a story teller. I like the flow and the ability to describe the details. Not fond of the subject, but not enough here for me to get into the character, so that's not a judgement, just an observation. I would encourage you to write. In the words of Ray Bradbury,'Write fast, Don't think, Relax,'