College: The Morning Fall

This is an exaggerated look at my experiences so far in college. All the characters in the story are real but the names have been changed, and some of this is fictional.

BEEEP BEEP BEEEP BEEEP BEEEP. Click.

“Ugh….shut up. I am up, I’m up.”  Five more days, that is all I need to remember. Five more days till break.  This college lifestyle is not for me, and it is only the half of my second semester. Closing my eyes for two seconds, I simply wish I could be working in a strip club, or a hobo living at peace with the animals. But no, when I open my eyes it will be in a dorm with my sheets dangling off my bed, as it simply cannot stay on my bed, a room that is negative ten degrees and my roommate Robyn talking in her sleep. I swear she is possessed by a demon. 

“Are you done daydreaming?” jumping at the voice of my roommate not realizing she is up.

“Jesus Christ! Why are you even up, you should still be mumbling some hex still.”

“I wish. I have I speech due in exactly 5 hours and it needs to be five to seven minutes long. I cannot even concentrate….. Leo should have won the damn Oscar. They are just playing with my emotions. “

“Don’t forget Jared Leto was looking like Jesus last night. All I know he needs to do is cut his goddamn hair.”

“Please just stop, I am going to take a nap. My first class got canceled.” Robyn sighs and lies back on top of all the papers and books scattered on top of her bed.

Getting off my bed and walking to my closet to retrieve my toothbrush, toothpaste, clothes and flip-flops, “You are the true definition of a slacker, and you wonder why you never get anything done.” I am rewarded with the middle finger salute. “Classy Robyn”

Walking down the deserted hallway, I wondered why I am even here. This is all too much work, or maybe I am too lazy. Taking care of my woman business, I walk back into my room to the sound of my roommate softly snoring and slobbing. 

Buzz, buzz, buzz.

“Jesus who texts this early in the goddamn morning.” Ignoring my now blinking phone, I start working on the mop nest I call hair.  I really miss my blue hair; I think looking at my dull now faded some shade of red hair. Just deciding to put some pink lotion in my hair and put it up into a high bun, I fall face first into my bed. I grab my phone thinking I may have a friend, but it was just alert to my PNC banking account telling me I have less than $100 in my bank account. Like I need a reminder I am broke.

Wasting time looking out the window instead of studying for my quiz, I decide to be somewhat productive and make my bed.  Yes that’s right, I will make my bed instead of studying. After making my bed, I slip on my black converse, and start packing my bag with the material I won’t even put to good use.  It is not cute having class at eight o clock in the morning.

Walking out of my room into the hallway, I am hit with the sound of laughter.

“Who the hell is this happy in the morning?” My neighbor Mallory says walking next to me.

“Not everyone is as miserable as us.” I say stating the obvious observation.  “Let’s go stuff our faces before we fail this quiz.”

“I don’t understand why Phil is acting this way, giving us all these quizzes. He is making it really hard for me to love him right now. “Mallory whines while we make our way to the café.

“Tell that to his wife.”

“Obviously they are having marital problems. I mean you have that man at home, distract him with your tits, but no he is too busy making all these quizzes instead of banging his wife.  She must be a god damn prude!” Mallory yells causing everyone to look at us.

“Well tell him you’re willing and ready, and try and convince him to give me a passing grade.” I say grabbing my chocolate milk, and blueberry muffin.

“I ain’t no damn booty call. I am already having problems convincing Joe to stop calling me 20 minutes before my bedtime.”  Turning to the display of Pop Tarts Mallory points,” and I am getting real tired of this. All I want is a strawberry pop tart NOT cherry, chocolate, or smores. Strawberry. “ Passing the Pop Tarts Mallory grabs a granola yogurt bar with an apple juice.

From the café we have to make the adventure of walking down this slippery hill to make it to Phil’s class.

“Be careful. You know these people don’t believe in salt or canceling classes.” I say to Mallory.

“If I spill my apple juice I am going to be so pissed.”

“Your worrying about apple juice, I am worryin-“

“Ahhhhhhhh”

“S**t Mall…….”

Splash. Smack.Roll

“I just want some damn weed brownies, chocolate milk, and Drake.” Mallory sadly says looking at the muddle in front of us.

“You could have had mine.” I say looking down at my now chocolate milk stained pants.

“Is that your-“ Mallory says pointing at my crush Johnny looking at us from afar.

“Shhh, let’s just cry.”

“Whats the worst that can happen?” Mallory says trying to lighten the situation.

While looking at Mallory a car whizzes past us splashing slush of snow on us. Yep, that is the worst thing that could happen. Wait I lied the worst thing that could happen is next.

“Hey Mallory, and Tina. Umm Phil canceled class today. I heard him and his wife had something come up.” Johnny says looking uncomfortable. I do not know what for he isn’t the one covered in chocolate milk and slush.

“Ughhh!!!” Mallory screams, and lies on the ground crying.

“Um thanks Johnny, “hoping he would walk away to relieve me of the embarrassment. He turns his head and looks away and says, “I can get you weed brownies.”