7 Years Lost

A Poem about lost opportunities.

13 years total

7 years lost.

Many promises broken

Many lines crossed

You took advantage thinking time would always be there

And when you lost it

Had the nerve to say life wasn't fair.

15 years total

Another 7 years lost

You really believed you were doing your best

Now do you see at what cost?

3 more years to wait

10 total years lost.

Will it be too late by then?

Will your heart have turned to frost?

Or will you be able to make up for those 10 years lost?

Author's Note

Always love feedback!

Reviews

[Stu. T.H.]

Sometimes in life, we gain more by letting go than holding back, perhaps this is just one of such cases. This is a read quite worthwhile to pay a visit to and a delight to come across. Thank you for sharing your work, author Tressa Rose, and if you are striving to become a better writer, I wish you the best of luck and I wholly believe that your efforts will pay off eventually.

[JayG]

This may be good therapy for you, but think of the reader. What's in it for them? In this, someone unknown, is talking about someone not introduced, in general terms, and complaining that unspecified things are being objected to.

Yes, poetry is emotion based, but the emotion is that which is evoked in the reader. And given the nebulous nature of the complaints, what can a reader react with but, "Uhh...okay." ?

How old is the speaker? Unknown. Gender? Unstated, What was their relationship to the unspecified person being verbally attacked? No way to know. What was the nature of the offenses? Unstated.

But... suppose, instead of this, you made the reader feel what the speaker IS feeling as they say this? What if you phrase it so that the reader is made to say those words for the same reason the speaker did, making them unnecessary in the poem? Won't they find that both more personal, and an entertainment, as well?

As E. L.Doctorow put it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

My favorite example of this is the lyric to the song, "The Twelfth of Never," released in 1957. Look at the opening:
- - - - -
You ask how much I need you, must I explain?
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I'll love you; I'll tell you true:
Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you.
- - - - -
Notice the clever trick played on the reader: The speaker is replying to a question that the reader supposedly asked, placing that reader INTO the poem, as the beloved who has asked that question. And since the question is one we might ask of someone who loves us, the answer is inherently interesting (especially since, if it’s a good answer we might use it).

So with “You ask,” and without realizing why, the reader is emotionally involved. To me, that’s brilliant writing.

Next, the line requests to know how long their commitment will last, then dismisses it as supposedly obvious. Yet it’s a critical question, so the seeming disconnect again draws the reader in, with the unspoken comment of, "Well yes, you absolutely must tell me, because I need to know." So, given the attitude placed in the reader with that thought, we WANT to hear the response, and it feels as if it's directed at us. And that is a HUGE hook. Right?

The response is 100% allegorical. It says, in effect, “I can’t live without you,” but does it in a pretty, and interesting way.

The question/answer sequence then continues with a clever twist, Love will end, but on a date that’s an impossibility.

It’s 100% emotion-based writing. It calls up context that already exists in the reader/listener’s mind. But even had the reader never heard the expression “like roses need rain,” it would be instantly meaningful.

It’s part of a song, but this first verse, for me, is a perfect example of emotion-based poetry.

Make sense?

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334