Confessions

Charlie:

“Hey, Brent. Uh… Can I tell you something?”

My pulse was racing. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was going to vomit. I felt the  blood rush out of my face. I started to get lightheaded. My back started doing this weird thing where it tingles and then starts to hurt in certain areas. It only happened when I was nervous.

He’s your brother, calm the f**k down. Just breathe.

“Sure… What’s up?” I could hear the concern in his tone.

“I um… I mean, I am uh… Not really... But yeah, I guess. I just, I dunno.” I said.

“C’mon dude, just spit it out.”

“Okay,” I said. Now I really felt like I was going to die. “I-I’m gay.”

F**k, he’s going to hate you. He’s probably going to call me a f****t and punch me in the face. Then he’s going to tell George and mom. Why did I tell him this? F**k.

I turned to look at him. He was just sitting there staring at me. I couldn’t detect what this stare was trying to tell me. I was freaking out. I took a deep breath and swallowed hard.

“Um… I was jus-”

“Hey, dude. It’s okay.” Brent interrupted. “What’d you think I was gonna do? Call you a f****t or something?” 

I half smiled. 

“You’re my brother and I love you. Your being gay doesn’t change my view of you at all.” he said and then he stopped, as if he were going to say something else but he stopped himself. “You okay, Chuck?”

“Yeah, I guess so. You took it a lot better than I had expected you would. No offense…” I said after a minute. We sat in sat there in silence for a while. I wondered what he was thinking about. He looked conflicted. He looked worried as well as sad. I just figured that whatever it was, he wasn’t going to tell me, at least not now.

“I’m gonna go upstairs. See you in the morning.” I said, breaking the almost ten minute silence.

“Goodnight, Charlie. I love you.”

“You too.” I said, halfway up the stairs.

I don’t know why I was so worried Brent wouldn’t be okay with it. We’ve been close since we were little kids. We’ve always told each other everything. He always came to me with his problems and I came to him with mine. Even though I was a year older than him I felt like it should be the other way around. He’s always been really mature. When I was eight and he was seven, our grandfather passed away. I cried like a baby. I cried for almost a week straight. Brent cried once for about five minutes when we found out he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He didn’t cry at the funeral or when we buried him. When we were little, our favorite pets to own were goldfish. I’d cry every time one would die and hold a mock funeral for them. He flushed the down the toilet and was done with them. He was in all the advanced classes, I was in the regular ones. He was friends with all the older kids, I don’t have friends. I’m able to have deep and meaningful conversations with him, which is more than I can say about the vast majority of the other fourteen year olds in his freshman class.

When I reached the end of the upstairs hallway, I opened the door of my bedroom, took off all my clothes, except for my briefs, and laid down in bed to read ’The Dove Keeper’.

Brent: 

 He probably knows. I mean, he has to. I’m not exactly quiet about it. I have a giant poster of Brendon Urie in a mankini in my bedroom. I watch Logo. I read fan fiction. Maybe he’s just that blind to it. But then again, aren't gay people supposed to have an especially accurate “gaydar’? Oh well. Calm down. 

I found myself sitting alone in the living room. I heard Charlie start up the stairs. 

“I love you” I said, not-so-lucidly. 

I heard him stop ascending for a moment and then heard: “You too.” and then steps following his response. 

I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water and as I walked, I realized my breathing pattern was all off. I stopped mid-step and inhaled deeply. Then exhaled. Then I repeated this until my breathing went back to its slow, rhythmic rate. As I walked into the kitchen, I glanced at the calendar hanging on the wall. You know when it’s summer, and you live everyday like nothing matters? You just do whatever you feel like doing and the suddenly you come to and realize what day it is? It’s like you suddenly come down from a elongated high in a matter of seconds. The calendar spoke to me in such a bold tone that I was almost startled. July 5, 2011. F**k. I completely forgot. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket so fast that even my cat looked, Chet, looked dazed. I looked at the banner across the screen on my s****y LG phone. Sierra Nirva: 14 Missed Calls. In the same amount of time as I took my phone from the pocket of my black PacSun jeans, I dialed Sierra’s number. The phone rang once. 

“Hello, Brent. How was your day honey?” Sierra said sarcastically. Her words stung my ears.  

“Hey babe. I’m… I’m so sorry, Sierra. I forgot. Happy birthday. How was your day?” I said, trying desperately to change the subject. 

“Don’t bullshit me, B. We’re you chopped all day or something? Look at a clock.” 

I did as I was told. The clock read 12:30 AM. 

“S**t, babe, I’m sorry. I wasn't high, I swear. It just slipped my mind completely. I’m so sorry. Please, just listen to me, I bought you some-” 

“I don’t want to hear it. Maybe I can just slip your mind completely now that we’re done.” she said sternly. 

 “But, Sierra, I-” 

“But, Brent, no. I’m done with you. Besides, I've been f*****g Cal for almost three weeks now.” she said spitefully. I heard a ‘click’ and the call ended. I threw my phone at the kitchen window, blinded by one thought. 

I’m going to f*****g kill, Callum.

Author's Note

First time ever writing a story so, yeah. Don't judge. Sorry it's so short.