Battlefield (Foolish Heart Part 4)

The fight begins again

Eyes full of fear,

my eyes stare right over the cliff.

On the other side of the gorge,

stands my darkest nightmares.

 

Beyond them I glimpse her,

my angel, a distant shimmer in the horizon.

I began to doubt myself,

Ive never been able to beat them before.

 

With a sigh of disappointment, eyes closed in sadness.

I turn around and begin to walk away.

With a deep breath, my eyes open in a blaze.

I run to the edge and jump... right into the chaos.

 

Cries of reckless abandon,

tore through the darkening skies.

I felt the darkness consume me,

my biggest battle is making it out.

 

Blow after blow was thrown,

sometimes the fear and pain was agony.

Yet, I pushed on and kept fighting.

I have to get through, I have to stay alive.

 

If i dont make it to her,

then I deserve to suffer

I wish to prove something to myself,

to prove something to her.

 

Exhausted...almost out of energy,

I felt myself ready to pass out.

I cant move anymore... time is frozen

In the forever darkness of my own fears?

 

Then at the last second I saw her face,

with one last push I launched myself at them.

An explosion of energy shattered the battlefield,

I blacked out reaching toward the shimmer in the horizon...

Reviews

[Scott Kelly]

This is pretty badass :D I like it. I do think that one stanza could be deleted entirely and the poem would be stronger for it - the one before the last. I love the energy, the struggle to keep up the battle - I see it more like a boxing match or a footrace, though. I think the poem has such urgency and immediacy - and that is what makes it great - that to include a line like "Days passed" and try to encompass that much time into what is otherwise a really sweet snapshot... just takes away from the purpose of the poem. Also, the term "stuck here" in that same stanza gets me. It feels like the narrator is falling/tumbling/flying. So how is he/she going to be stuck anywhere except in the ground, if he/she fails? Just some thoughts. Again, I'm only pointing out the few things that didn't work for me. Overall this is great.

[Sarah]

Ooh cool, I like this one best so far. :D Lots of energy and emotion in this ~ I am reading this metaphorically and so I think this "battle" you describe is quite similar to what someone struggling for the sake of love might go through. Or you could be describing an actual battle, in which case it's still epic. That's just the way I read it, but I think poems with multiple interpretations are the best kind!

[.]

wow this is intense and powerful

[deeps]

Exhausted...almost out of energy,
I felt myself ready to pass out.
I cant move anymore... time is frozen
In the forever darkness of my own fears?

I liked this stanza. Alot said here, this is very descriptive.
I like this.

[Matthew Kult]

Very face passed and a good continuation. I hate to go back to part two but I do think the is a slight wiggle in there that can be replaced, I am not sure I am just looking too much into it. Which is what I do, but up to here it's very clear the emotional stages that you are going through, the flow of the three has been fantastic. Three being 1, 3 and 4.

[RTB]

BATTLES i love them its y i needed to finish the poem before i went to school the ending was good it left me wondering wut the ending to his/her trial was great write!

[Dream Weaver]

Great write, Great descriptive imagery.
nicely done!

[.]

"Exhausted...almost out of energy,
I felt myself ready to pass out.
I cant move anymore... time is frozen
In the forever darkness of my own fears?"

{another great part in the series my friend-as all ways-
------beautiful images wrapped around surreal words}

...love it...

james:-)

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

a cinematic explosion of emotions and imagery electrified~ well drawn poetic~

[Zoe Leah]

You described everything really well...

I can see a picture painted in my mind.

I liked it :)