Hold Me Back

Ok another poem, hope its ok, I just wrote it and need help for any edits, thanks.

You steal my moment,

You hold me back,

You confine my body,

You show I lack.

 

When I try to sing,

You just talk,

When I try to run,

You just walk.

 

You don't care,

You don't see,

You won't help,

You hate me.

 

When I'm gone,

You will see,

What I mean,

Death to thee.

 

Now you plead?

You think I should,

Save you now?

As if I would.

Author's Note

Help with anything, be critical.

Reviews

[Scott Free]

This was a good, very intriguing poem. It seems like you're speaking to something inside yourself.
I only had one little criticism;
"Now you plead,
You think I should,
Save you now,
As if I would."
You could perhaps put question marks on the first and third lines...this might slow the stanza down and would make a good ending of it.
Now you plead?
You think I should,
Save you now?
As if I would.
Just a suggestion. Sorry if I wasn't very critical.

~S

[17thWhitePrince]

WoW !!!
You have such talent for writing lines like that !!!
WoW !!!
I am so impressed indeed !!!
WoW !!!
You don't need my help at all !!!
You're al'right by yourself !!!
WoW !!!

[The future is now...]

I LOVE THIS! I wouldn't change anything, honestly. I love this just how it is. It relates to me so I find it amazing. Great Work!