1- Nightmare

Screams echoed through my mind. I could feel the fear sit heavy in my chest as I fought my way down the hallway. Doctors and nurses tried to restrain me, numerous pairs of hands holding me back attempting to slow my progress. But I couldn’t stop. The moans grew louder, more strained. My heart thudded heavily against my chest. Shoving nurses and doctors brutally out of my way, I pushed myself harder. Crashing into her door, I could hear nurses cooing encouragement, the heart monitor beeping loudly and the bustle of the doctors long white coats. Falling against the door, I tried to pry it open. It was locked. No. I could feel tears rush down my face as the insistent hands pulled me from the door and began to shuffle me back down the hallway. I could still hear her. I could still feel her in my heart, and I could feel her pain in my bones.

My eyes suddenly opened. Groaning, I pressed my palms to my forehead and slowly sat upright.  My chest heaving and aching under the weight of my nightmare. Brushing a stray lock of my dark hair from my eyes, I saw Anna perched on the end of the bed. I smiled gently, my hands fell lightly into my lap. Slowly she stood and moved to sit in front of me, her curly blonde hair swaying around her face. 

“Nightmares again?” She whispered, her voice soft.

I nodded slightly, but pushed forth a smile. Leaning forward, I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “I’m sorry if I woke you darling.” 

Anna smiled kindly and shook her head. “No Tony it’s okay, you didn’t wake me. The phone did actually,” Grinning, she pulled her legs up onto the bed and sat crisscross. Sliding her hands into mine, she smiled brightly. Her blue eyes gleaming.

I arched an eyebrow, “Oh really?” 

“You’re sister called and invited us to lunch at Laureno’s Coffee house,” 

I interjected with a groan.

Anna rolled her eyes, “Come on sleepyhead. Get dressed, I told them we’d be here by 1:30.” Reaching up, she tousled my bed-head. “Though we should leave early, it’s snowing hard and the roads are already bad.” 

 I sighed and ran my fingers through my black hair, trying to smooth it back down. I had forgotten. It was December 21st. 

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“Hello? Tony?” 

I suddenly came back into reality. In front of me sat my older sister, Marie, and by my side Anna sat quietly sipping her tea. Marie stared at me with her inquisitive blue eyes, her elbows perched on the checkered table. Her eyes flitted between Anna and I, she lifted her eyebrows and smiled coyly at me. I could feel my cheeks grow hot as I reached for Anna’s hand and squeezed it. 

“Hey Marie.”

Marie picked up her coffee and took a long sip. “So you two, what are you doing for Christmas this year?”

I stared at her. “What do you mean? We’re going home, like always.”  

Marie rolled her blue eyes and sighed. Shifting in her seat she asked, “Don’t you think it’s time to maybe… move away from home? You two are young and in love! You should be out living life, experiencing the world, not dwelling at home.” Marie’s perky voice dropped dangerously low as she returned to sipping her coffee. Her eyes shifting between the two of us.

I sighed and shrugged. “Marie I actually like going back home for Christmas. There are good memories there,” Shifting in my seat, I leaned forwards on the table and added, “Plus, Mom and Dad do miss us from time to time, especially you.” 

Anna nodded in agreement as she took another sip of tea. “You should come is year Marie. Your parents really miss you and the little ones.” 

She lifted her eyebrows. “I’m sure they do,” Rubbing her fingers along the rim of her mug she continued “Well, I best be going. Patrick and I have a lot of late night shopping to do for the little ones,” She drew her slim fingers across her neck and stuck out her tongue, “Ugh kill me now. I’ll see you soon Tony.” Reaching out, she shook Anna’s hand with a gentle smile, “Great to see you too Anna.” Standing, Marie smiled brightly at me before waving and leaving the cafe, letting me alone with my thoughts and Anna’s hand tight in mine. Sliding her hand out of mine, Anna lifted the menu and leafed through the pages. Her eyes jumping from one meal to the next. Her eyes in obvious turmoil. 

Chuckling softly, I took a long swig of my coffee, my eyes drifting out the window. I could feel myself drifting again, but try as I might to pull myself back, I couldn’t seem to get a grip on myself. I was letting myself slide…

Slumping back into her chair, she pouted at me. Her lower lip puffed out and her eyes dark with trouble. “I have no idea what to order,” She sighed as she leaned forwards on her elbows, her eyes fixated on mine, searching them for a sign of empathy. 

I chuckled and set my coffee down, “Rachel, there are eight things on this menu,” 

Rachel leaned back and laughed, her wavy brown hair bobbing around her face. A bright smile gracing her cheeks and lighting up the world around her. “Fine,” She giggled, “I’ll just have a hot chocolate like I always do then.”

Rolling my eyes playfully at her, I let my hand wander down into my pocket, absentmindedly toying with the small velvet box. My thigh ached slightly. Telling me that it was now or never. I fiddled anxiously with the collar of my shirt and the hemline of my jeans. Though no matter how hard I tried, I found my eyes once again fixated on Rachel’s smile and bright eyes. She had truly become the center of my world, that means something, doesn’t it?

I felt myself jerk back to reality when Anna’s hand found its way back to mine. She was looking my over with concerned eyes, a small cup of coffee steaming in her hand. “Are you okay?” She asked quietly, her eyes searching mine.

Squeezing her hand, I leaned forwards and pressed my lips to hers. I could feel her lips tug a little as she smiled under our kiss. Slowly pulling away, I opened my eyes to find a faint pink blush tainting her cheeks. I grinned and brought her hand up, kissing her knuckles. “I’m wonderful princess, just wonderful.” 

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We got home late that night. I ended up driving home, Anna had taken one of the blankets we stashed in the trunk and curled up in the backseat of our black sedan. Within the first ten minutes, she had fallen into a soundless sleep. Pulling up into the driveway, I popped open the rear door and scooped Anna up in my arms. She mumbled sleepily, something about how she loved when the world looked like a snow globe. I couldn’t help but smile and press a soft kiss to her cheek.

Carrying her into our bedroom, I threw back the covers and gently laid her down. For a moment she stirred, squirming around on the bed before finding her normal position. She had curled up on her left side, her cheek cuddled on my pillow. Smiling down at her, I pressed a few soft kisses to her forehead and smoothed her curly hair back from her face. Gently lifting the covers, I tucked them up to her neck. Twisting my fingers around a strand of her hair, I folded it gently behind her ear, whispering, “I love you Anna, rest well Princess.” 

Tiptoeing from our room, I shut the door and collapsed in the rocking chair in the living room. On any other night, I would curl up with Anna, but tonight I just can’t. The bed haunts me with nightmares, or perhaps I haunt myself. Rubbing my eyes, I pulled a blanket up onto my lap. Closing my eyes, I began to rock myself back and forth. Trying to fall asleep to Anna’s voice and her smile.