Clouds

Words are so carefully lined.

Rising above each and every sun ray.

As it filters through, it rented.

Clouds cry easily.

Spouting out lakes in our eyes.

Our eyes have seen something strange.

Author's Note

I'm not entirely proud of this one xD I tried to use different things though. Woo for first poem on this account.

Reviews

[softlyfall]

It has so much to offer, you SHOULD be proud!
The metaphors are a bit demanding, the images...makes the reader work hard. My impressions was that as the words rise through the rays of sun, they are torn and ripped apart. But in that third line "as "it" filters through, I was unsure what the "it" referred to. Perhaps you meant that the sun was ruined by the words. If so, it would be so much clearer as

As they rise above each and every ray,
the sun is rent and torn.

If you meant the words are rent, more like this:
As they rise above each and every sunbeam,
they are rent and shredded by the beams.

The last stanza is perfect, just perfect

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the way you compared clouds to words. Words come out when they are needed. Clouds are wild and free. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[A hare off]

Congrats on your first poem on this site. I rather enjoy this. I am not sure I understand "it rented" but I still liked it.

[Twenty Degrees]

Rented is another word for torn or pulled apart.

[A hare off]

Ok, thanks. I didn't now that but I do now. I really appreciate you telling me.

[Scheherazade]

I don't really know how to review poems. Generally, if a poem is pretty, that's good enough for me and I'll like it and keep coming back to it. Also, I prefer them short otherwise I stop paying attention eventually (which is probably why I like Rilke, a lot of his poems are short and so beautiful). In short, your poem fulfills all of these requirements and I think you use some rather interesting and inventive images. So thank you, you've written a poem I can genuinely enjoy.

[theshygirl]

this is really good! i like the way you put such a deeper meaning to ''just'' clouds

great job!

xxx shy

[NinjaShadowWolf]

The second part or second poem, I like how you describe the rain. At least, I hope that's what I understand your describing. Nonetheless, I like it.

[J3ssInJupit3r]

I really liked the lines "clouds cry easily, spouting out lakes in our eyes"
I don't know why but for some reason, it clicked in my head when I read it. Like it was supposed to go together. It was very beautiful. And I like that this is short and sweet. I really enjoyed reading this and I hope to read more from you soon!

[Twenty Degrees]

Thank you ^^