"LOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME"

" LOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME "

In the days of summer's bloom

You were alone in the room 

Waiting for someone who was late 

Was your teacher looked so great

Sitting there in red and blue

Your eyes looked like ocean's blue

The face which shines so bright

As the snow look so white

While staring badly at you

Sticked to my chair with the glue

Nearly forgot to attend the class

Admiring you through the window glass

And some thoughts ran through my mind

A feeling which I usually never find

Hardly  your  eyes   contacted mine 

When I fall in LoVe FoR ThE FiRsT Time

    Now everything was smooth like a cream

    She was the girl who visit my dream

    It was just a matter of sight

    And my heart took its first flight.

~ utkarsh singh (killer)

Reviews

[AprilRN1210]

I like the construction of this--gives you the visual sense of falling "in love"... Very sweet sentiment.. Some of the rhymes seem forced in my opinion.. It kind of takes away from the passion, from the beauty of the message.. Also I would consider another adverb besides "badly to describe how you were staring at her. (doesn't really romantically convey the longing, intense attraction that you are trying to express here).... In the next line, maybe say "I was stuck to my chair like glue"... (not sure sticked is a word)... Throughout the poem, you write in past tense, yet you say "when I fall in love for the first time. This has me confused.. Did you fall in love? Is this not what the poem is about, your falling in love with this girl.. Should it then not be When I fell in love for the first time? .... I noticed a few other places where the tense was confusing, was this in the past, is this happening right now? I really do like the sentiment, the sweet lighthearted expression of something that hit you deep, and the construction is very creative and enjoyable to me.. I hope this helps some...

[Namrata]

ah...first love. sweet poem. stirs memories, yes.

[Utkarsh Singh]

actually i never had .......;)

[Nena]

So you fell in Love with your teacher? :P LOL. Well, jokes apart, a sweet poem but you'd definately want to improve your grammar. Other than that, good one! :)

[Utkarsh Singh]

no not with the teacher but the girl who was waiting for her teacher in a room and i was in another room and i will b glad if you plz point out my grammatical error
btw thank for the review

[Nena]

I will the next time and I am grateful that you didn't took it as a taunt :)

[Utkarsh Singh]

i have to improve my writing skills and for that i should know my mistakes.... :/

[Walker Andreasen]

Mmm this reminds me of the first time that I met my wife, it was in Desktop Publishing class. Thank you for this poem. I love poems that stir up memories.
Your structure was a little distracting, but I say that about a lot of poems like this, like Ellen Hopkins (who my wife LOVES) just a little hard for us dyslexic people. But then I look at it again and you flurried the emotion in a structured chaos, like falling in love. Everything makes sense but yet your brain hurts from making sense of the fury your heart is sending it. Love this. Good read. Great write.

[Utkarsh Singh]

thank walker for your review ......i was looking for a constructive review like this....nxt tym i will make sure that the structure is not distracting.thank you very much

[Rachelle]

Keep writing, Utkarsh! :D

[Utkarsh Singh]

oh! ya i wil.....sure

[Lonely Scorpio Girl]

Oh, young love is so sweet.
This poem is fun to read.

[Utkarsh Singh]

thanx LSG........glad u like it

[New Theory]

Good one dude, keep writing

[Utkarsh Singh]

thank you NT ........

[New Theory]

You are welcome, feel free to check some of my work :)

[Utkarsh Singh]

oh ! yaa....... dont worry i will ..... :D

[Sami Khalil]

A very enjoyable one...Bravo................

[Utkarsh Singh]

thanx sami

[Sami Khalil]

Welcome...:)...........................

[Vidya Bacchus]

Lol this poem made me chuckle .I really liked it U Singh it was very cute :)

[Utkarsh Singh]

thnk u very much di

[Vidya Bacchus]

Welcome :)

[Saddam]

And some thoughts ran through my mind
A feeling which I usually never find
Hardly your eyes contacted mine
When I fall in LoVe FoR ThE FiRsT Time

Such a beautiful piece my friend. Good work.

[Utkarsh Singh]

thanx ssadd....was waiting for ur review

[Mia C.]

I enjoyed reading this poem. It was so sweet. Good job!

[Utkarsh Singh]

thankyou very much mia .....

[Mia C.]

You're welcome! :)