Innocence Lost

Inspired from the real story of a 7 years girl victim of sexual abuses and murdered by an unknown man whose identity is still a mistery. Her body was thrown from the 7th floor of the building in which

He was getting closer, slowly. Every step was a thud, a growing warning of the Evil that noses and expands... carefully, with patience. 

She immediately recognized him: it had not happened many times, but she had impressed in her mind even the most meaningless details of that martyrdom, and inside her that grief recurred and increased, and it got to be lived again and again, infinite times: harrowing echo of a shout full of innocent pain.

During that grevious wait she could already smell his breath on her neck: the filthy odour of whiskey and tobacco that her tiny hands could not wash away not even consuming her skin until it bleeded. 

Now she could hear his gasp, the real one, labored, even though he had been walking those stairs since the beginning of his miserable life. She already knew that he was looking for her, she knew him, by now. Most of the times Evil doesn't need complex architectures and leaves no space for inexplicable superstructures: it is just the way it is done and undergone, frighteningly and unexpectedly simple.

When she saw his huge shadow emerging from the staircase she did not feel anything, no fear or shame, because she knew that this time he was not going to win. She kept on dancing on the windowsill, spinning round to the rythme of silence, careful not to lose balance. She was raising a smile, full of freedom and innate awareness of the unavoidable duty to defend her innocence, no matter what. 

The monster's step got faster, encouraged by his sick, wicked libido. His breath was now feverish, his lips moist, he stretched his unfeeling hand to wrest her... the same hand that, the first time, had been the weapon used the tear off until the last piece of childhood. 

But this time his hands caught the emptiness in which she lost herself, spinning to the rythme of an angelic dance culminated in a dive in the burning asphalt of a summer day. But the collision with the hard ground was like a caress that, in one moment, whispered her the perfectly finished sense of a life that she would never have the chance to live.

Author's Note

(I am not a native speaker, I hope you will forgive possible mistakes in the construction of sentences)

Reviews

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Great piece. I am also a not native speaker, so I'm not the right person to judge that aspect. But I have to admit that it's very compelling, full of emotion. It reads fluently and the tension you have put in it grabbed me several times by the throat. Very good in my opinion.

[Bullet Biter]

Thank you very much Rudi, you can't imagine how happy I am when I read such words!!! :D

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

It's always my pleasure, I liked it very much.

[AprilRN1210]

wow.. this one is pretty powerful.. for a non-native speaker you have constructed a piece that is gripping and moving.. the descriptions and emotions are well done and add to the intensity.. it is vivid and believable.. well done..

[CommandoDolphin]

I guess I did not understand the very last paragraph (Did she die or did the monster?) . But I see you are very strong of a writer, you use great detail and people are drawn in. The theme is great in the sense of people needing to fight their abusers. I applaud you on your work, please recommend more for me. :)

[Bullet Biter]

Unfortunately she died. While in reality she was killed by the monster, in my story she killed herself to not be his victim again. Thank you very much for your review, I am really happy about it!!! I hope you will read more :)

[Malister Mikey]

Monsters like that in my opinion need to just be shot and killed, no prison, no sentencing just shot between the eyes for all there victims to see publicly also so others witness their death, though we live in such a broken world people like that will get away with hanase acts never knowing justice.

It makes me sad to hear that this is based of of a true story, though I hope the sick f**k got the punishment he deserved. You did very well on writing this as you can see made some emotions come out. You write well for a none native speaker.

Sincerely, Malister Mikey

[Bullet Biter]

Thank you very much, Malister! I really appreciate it

[Malister Mikey]

You're very welcome.

[Lydia Shutter]

Very compassionate for the woman who has been abused. Although it is obvious English is not your first language, your meaning comes through. Domestic violence is a very real problem. Lydi**

[Bullet Biter]

Thank you!! :)

[MomzillaNC]

This isn't bad for a non-native speaker. There are many writers who post all over the English-speaking world with less grasp of the mechanics of writing. The story you tell is gripping and tragic.

[Bullet Biter]

Thank you very much. I will do my best to improve more and more :)

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome. My recommendation is to read excellently written literature. I high recommend Georgette Heyer, Peter Mayle, and P.G. Wodehouse for just beautifully correct writing and great story telling.

[Bullet Biter]

Thank you so much for such precious advice!!

[MomzillaNC]

You're very welcome.

[R Smith]

for a non english speaker you write very eloquently, only very few errors which anyone could make but forget that this is a class piece of writing, i'm sad that it is based on a real story but your writing is mature and strong, your powers of description and scene setting are exact and straight to the point, its a superb piece of writing and i hope to see more some time, bravo :)

[Bullet Biter]

Oh!!! :D Thank you so much for your time and your words, they mean a lot to me. You surely will read more, if you want. Grazie! :)

[R Smith]

you are very welcome :)

[Hutch]

Hey Bullet Bitter, Thats a serious writing. Keep up the good work, Hutch

[Bullet Biter]

Thank you so much, Hutch!!!!

[Marie]

You wrote this very well. I am sorry it is a true story. Children should never be abused.

[Bullet Biter]

Thank you Mary, I am glad you liked it. It is my first attempt to write in english, I have always written in italian. :)

[Marie]

You write very well in nNglish. You must be an accomplished writer in your own language.