The Marws [Blurb]

A blurb of my upcoming horror book, The Marws.

“Something’s wrong,” He whispered, his eyebrows knitting together in a frown. Silence prevailed once more, emphasizing the tension and shared fear carried in the air between the boys and girl. Tom didn’t need to see the looks of fright and despair etched on their faces as he somehow sensed it within him. And he couldn’t contain his discomfort as well - a crawly sense of disconcern was fluttering his insides. Something really was wrong.

“Tom, what’s wrong? Do you see something?” said Jenna. The firmness in her sweet voice mesmerised Tom.

“We’re in a freaking cemetery at 12:30 in the freaking morning, digging graves - that’s what’s wrong!” snapped Jason, the shudder in his voice betraying his usual calm demeanor.

Although Tom’s eyes were defective, his tremoring bones and sensitive skin sensed the distressed air. He could hear the whispers of the nearby trees swaying to a wind he couldn’t feel. It almost felt like a sign confirming that an anomaly was just as near - a sign that is perhaps insinuating an impending horrible doom.

“I don’t know. I feel really weird. Something’s off,” he replied.

“F*ck this Dawning crap - we have to get out of here,” said Jason, his voice still shuddering. “We shouldn’t have come here. I knew this is a bad idea. This is just stupid, we need to leave now, please!”

“We can’t ditch this ‘Dawning crap’ once it’s begun, you dipshit.” Tom knew Harold was right. Abandoning the Dawning Trial amidst or before completion was the first thing the Man had spoken against. He was about to respond when a movement caught his attention. Something flashed before his darkened vision for a millisecond. He frowned.

Then, seconds later, it reappeared, this time lingering longer.

His heart palpitated.

In the blackness, of which his eyes are only capable of seeing, two bright, focused red dots appeared in the near distance ahead. It took only seconds until he registered an accompanying smoky outline of a humanoid figure, moving closer.

“A Marw,” said Tom. The quiet atmosphere seemed to thicken with angst after that, like time and air had stilled. None had anticipated such dreadful turn of events in the safest night. The fright had sunk even deeper into him when more pairs of red eyes and foggy figures came into his vision, approaching. “Lots of them.”

The black-blooded moved closer, enticed by the reeking scent of nectarous and rich fear. Four free, fear-flavoured, young souls here, and yet so many of them.

Author's Note

It is a bit rushed, but a more concise, edited version of it will go on the description section of the book. I haven't written anything in 6 months or so and I'm itching to get some feedback and pointers. It's a bit short but bear with me. I'm looking for: general impression opinions, edits, notes on writing style, anything really.

Thank you for reading!!

Reviews

[Fraser Currie]

I really enjoyed this. I loved how we're right in the middle of things immediately. The opening sentence intrigued me straight away.

Your style of writing is good but I would suggest either more practice or the odd tweak here and there. At some points, it really worked and how you described things really set the tone, whereas at others it seemed a bit forced.

For example, my favourite line was 'he could hear the whispers of the nearby trees swaying to a wind he couldn't feel.' so creepy! I wish I had come up with that.

On the other hand, and this is just me being constructive/picky, some of it felt like you were trying really hard, which is good, but it just didn't work as well. 'a crawly sense of disconcern was fluttering his insides' - really descriptive, and a million times better than 'he was scared' but it just felt a little forced. As I said though, this is just me being picky, I genuinely really enjoyed it and would love to read more :)

[Virtual Phun]

Thank you! I was trying hard. I try to incorporate everything I learn from the books I read, obviously I still need to get the hang of good writing. Can you mention some of the sentences that sounded awkward please? Anything else?

Thanks again for agreeing to read this and for the feedback.