No One Sees Me

This was a poem made from "My Darkest Thoughts As Of 11/11/14." I didn't change the wording, only the line structure and how often I said some things. I made it into a free verse poem from what it was

No one sees me.

How can someone love me?

I'm a monster.

Death is the only way out.

For some reason, I don't care...

People would miss me...

But so what?

Is something wrong with me?

No one sees me.

I will never get to experience like everyone else.

Love... Why can't I have it?

Why the f**k can't I be happy?

What's the point of living now?

Beauty in death?

Very much so... Death's loving caress...

The only one I'll ever feel.

Death has always been an easy way out... so enticing.

No one sees me.

Wouldn't the world be better off without me?

People probably think you're a lost cause.

People are terrified of you.

I'm terrified of me.

I could kill someone... If I just shut off my humanity.

And ignored it... Like I usually do...

Feel nothing... All of which is so easy for me to do.

I could do it... And not even bat an eye.

No one sees me.

Author's Note

As the poem it shows my darkest thoughts and emotions and shows behind my masks, as well as how I feel while hiding behind my masks, "No one sees me." Just tell me everything you thought while reading this. It doesn't have to be related, it doesn't have to be critiquing. Just tell me what you thought.

Reviews

[iNSOMniAC]

"People probably think you're a lost cause."

Once again, your piece is very relatable. Do you have anything that doesn't speak to me?

[The StoryTeller]

Well, I don't intentionally try to speak to you.... XD But I'm both glad and sad you can relate... You know why I'm sad, I don't wish pain on anyone or anyone to go through these experiences, but happy because you know now that there is someone else out there that feels the same way as you and will gladly talk to you about it if you want it.

[Lizardo]

A master piece with heavy words.
Sometimes people don't care about you, I know that feeling pretty well. But you have to know that you're stronger then them, because you are you and that what differs you from the rest, from every human living o earth, from every star and galaxy shining throug the cosmos, maybe nobody sees you, but you see yourself in way that could even help you become stronger when you don't have societe's words to bring you down.
it's a master piece

[The StoryTeller]

I agree, but I struggle with that a lot, believing in me, forgiving me, not hating me. I mean, I've gotten to the point where I don't hate others anymore, and in fact, I preach to them the same message you just told me in your comment. But when it comes to me, I don't know why, but the rules just don't seem to apply.

[Lizardo]

I know... I get that feeling too

[The StoryTeller]

Yeah, for me, it's a constant companion, as is regret and knowing I've screwed up so many people's lives so horribly, and I can't even apologize for that.

[Coyote Poetry]

Powerful and deadly words. You create person in bad place and holding deadly thoughts. Anger and negative thoughts leave us alone and wanting the wrong things. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[The StoryTeller]

I agree. This poem was a little more honest, and from personal experience. When you're in that place, you hate everything around you, yourself the most. You don't see your place in the world, etc. It does make you want to wrong things. Glad you could relate.

[Coyote Poetry]

I do understand. Hard to overcome disappointment and anger. But we must.

[The StoryTeller]

Yes, that is agreed, otherwise it will drag you so far down you lose the will to even fight to maybe someday see the light again.

[Cool Girl]

I felt like I already read this, but I guess i didn't comment xD
I've felt that way before... Nice poem, great job!

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, if you've read it before, whatever. XD Anyways, glad you liked it.

[Cool Girl]

It was a pleasure to read xD
Maybe that's why I read it twice:)

[The StoryTeller]

Lolololol I guess.

[Matthew James Ginn]

An masterful display of our individual diminishing sense of purpose. The slowly descending darkness of the morbid crevices of our heart. It is indeed a generic but true statement of the lingering pain that never secedes.
Rhythym is a little funky. Make it have a better flow, Like the river of pain that exists withinn the poem, let the poem get consistently more connective and fluent.

Try to incorporate new vocabulary. It sounds a little like other work out there. Make your own voice. good job.

[The StoryTeller]

Okay, I'm glad you liked it and could understand how I felt. I'll work on a revision that does make it more my own and makes the flow show the pain that much more strongly. Thanks. :)

[Matthew James Ginn]

Its really good! Keep your owning writing voice. Just spice it up a bit

[The StoryTeller]

Okay, I'll keep my voice. I'm not exactly sure how it sounds, I'm assuming you mean my diction and style. I'll see what I can do to spice it up, I have some other writings I have to do the same thing with.

[Riss Ryker]

Lotta sadness, lotta torment, lotta pain. This poem fuels the fire of despair… and the flames reach out… you’ve captured moments that weeps from the darkness…Just keep writing to fan out those fires of despair and hopelessness. It works for me.

[The StoryTeller]

Yeah, I can see how it does that. I don't exactly want this poem to make people feel lower, I just want it to make them think. And to see what it's like to be in that place. Besides, if I hadn't written it I would've gone insane in my head by now. And I have this feeling that these things I need to share. Thank you for reviewing this, and for telling me how this affecting you. And don't worry, I have plenty of more poetry. It's like a never-ending flood.

[Riss Ryker]

That's awesome, and I look forward to reading! I, too, live in my head and write everyday. Check some out?

[The StoryTeller]

Sure, although I'm kind of swamped right now between school, read requests, comments, and my own writing. :P I'll get to it though. If I haven't read some of your works by 1/31/15 send me some read requests to remind me. :) Thank you for your comment, and for sharing.

[luvs2write]

I read this one first, then went back and read what you made it from. Honestly, while I was reading this I was thinking of someone who has been through this before...maybe still going through it. I was glad to read that you have these feelings less often though, they're so suffocating. I don't know...suffocating is just the best word I can think of to describe it. I think it's really good that you can get your feelings out through creativity....botteling up and then exploding seem to be more my tactic. =) I like the power behind this poem. It was really dark, but the words were just so powerful...I felt the anger and despertion. I do have a totally un related question though. In your bio you said you wrote books? I haven't seen any yet....but I think I might like to read them. I am mainly working on a book too, with crappy poems on the side. =P Anyway, I'll shut up now.

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, so yeah. Those feelings can be suffocating. And believe me, I used to blow up all the time. Only problem is, I hurt a lot of people to at that time, kind of fueling this even more. I was in gangs, fighting, bringing knives to school, living in Columbus... It was not a good time for me. I feel better now but still not great. But something like that you don't just get over. And that's just one chapter of my life. I'm glad it really reached out to you through the words. And prob because how I feel a lot of the time when I write, it seems that dark poetry or dark in general is my specialty. And yea, I do write books. I'm just not finding the time to type it between Honors English 2 at school and posting my poetry and raps and reviewing other people's stuff. Don't worry though, I'll get out the first chapter to the one I'm currently working on soon. By the latest, it'll be posted at the end of February. By the latest. Thank you for reviewing this. :)

[luvs2write]

Sorry, didn't mean to put the pressure on to post a chapter...I understand about not having the time. You're welcome for the review....=)

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, it's k, I will post the first chapter soon, by the end of February at the latest, even if that means I'm not writing more poetry between now and then and typing instead.

[luvs2write]

Sister: just... wow.this poetry is so powerfull. you have the ability to make people feel what you feel through your words which is an amazing talent.thank you for sharing this, i relate so much.
- luvs2write's sis

[The StoryTeller]

I'm glad you liked it. :) And thank you Luvs2Write's sister.